n° 42 - Scribouillard

Transcription

Amicale Epatente des …
… Joyeux-Jeunes Retraités
Le Canard épilé ………………. de l’Amicale Epatente …
… des Joyeux-Jeunes Retraités
N° 42 – 14 – Février - 2012
ngày Ất Tỵ tháng Nhâm Dần năm Nhâm Thìn (23 tháng Giêng Âm Lich)
Le mot du Rédacteur
Chers Joyeux-Jeunes sexagénaires,
Bonne fête de la Saint-Valentin …
… et maintenant : Bonne lecture …
Joyeusement vôtre !
Golden_Mountain et Scribouillard
Dernier Coin-coin ---- Last Quack quack
Un bisou pour garder la santé
santé
Un bisou
bisou pour garder la santé
Dernier Coin-coin ---- Last Quack quack
C’est vrai puisque c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
Le Canard épilé de l’Amicale Epate
Epatente
des Joyeux Jeunes Retraités
Bulletin d’Information et de Liaison de
l’Amicale Epatente des Joyeux-Jeunes Retraités
Directeur de la Publication : Golden_Mountain
Directeur de la Rédaction : Scribouillard
89 rue des Potes, 99666 SaiGon-sur-Seine, France
Courriel : [email protected] Site: canard.epile.ndoduc.com
Le Canard épilé de l’Amicale Epatente des Joyeux-Jeunes Retraités
-1-
C’est la saison (1) !!!
Même chez nos amis les oiseaux .!!!..
avant
après
-2-
C’est la saison (2) !!!
… au « bled »
aussi …
-3-
-4-
C’est brrr … et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
… comme
ailleurs
également …
-5-
C’est brrr… et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
-6-
Le Canard épilé
Le Canard épilé
-7-
Le Canard épilé
Le Canard épilé
-8-
-9-
1
C’est le Printemps !!!
1
… enfin presque, ….
- 10 -
Des coincoins pour vous ...
Le budget de
la SaintSaint-Valentin
09.02.11 | 13h54
Parlons d'amour, pour une fois. La Saint-Valentin
arrive et, dans la procession rituelle du
calendrier
américain,
c'est
un
arrêt
incontournable. Après l'orange de Thanksgiving,
le rouge et vert de Noël, et avant le vert fluo de
la Saint-Patrick (quand, même dans les fontaines
de la Maison Blanche, l'eau est couleur menthe),
vient le rouge carmin de la Saint-Valentin. Du
rouge plein les écrans, les pubs, les rayons. Du
rose jusque dans les cours de récréation.
Aux Etats-Unis, la fête n'est pas réservée aux
amoureux. Dès l'école maternelle, on s'envoie
des "valentines", des petites cartes tendres. On
offre des chocolats aux profs, des biscuits en
forme de coeur aux compagnons à quatre pattes
(selon la fédération nationale des détaillants, le
consommateur américain a dépensé 5 dollars en
2010 en cadeaux pour ses chiens et chats, en
hausse de 2 dollars par rapport à 2009, l'annus
horribilis de la Saint-Valentin). Côté adultes, les
magazines regorgent de conseils pour réveiller
les maris mollissants. Coller un Post-It sur la télé,
par exemple : "C'est moi que tu ferais mieux
d'allumer !"
La Saint-Valentin est le deuxième événement
commercial de l'année, derrière Noël. Les
hommes dépensent 160 dollars en bijoux et
chocolats. Les femmes, 75 dollars (seulement !,
se plaignent les premiers). Toutes catégories
confondues, les Américains échangent 180
millions de cartes, 36 millions de boîtes de
chocolats et 110 millions de roses, le 14 février.
Grâce au Congrès, qui a renouvelé le traitement
de faveur de la Colombie (en attendant l'accord
de libre-échange toujours dans les limbes), il n'y
aura pas de barrières douanières sur les roses,
encore cette année (l'essentiel des fleurs
viennent d'Amérique latine).
Cela dit, à en croire Greg Grodek, le gourou de
la "romance" conjugale, les roses rouges sont
un peu dépassées. Le "nouveau romantisme"
exige une nouvelle attitude : "Bring Food. Arrive
Naked". On dirait du Twitter : "Apportez à
manger. Arrivez déshabillé."
La Saint-Valentin a subi les effets de la crise,
mais les hommes de l'art voient le bout du
tunnel : une hausse de 11 % des dépenses cette
année. Hallmark, le méga-fabricant de cartes,
peut être soulagé. La compagnie propose 1 600
cartes différentes pour la seule Saint-Valentin
(dont une est dotée d'un dispositif qui active
une animation électronique si on la place
devant une webcam.) Hallmark est tellement
associée au rituel qu'elle est obligée d'assurer
sur son blog que, non, elle n'a pas inventé le 14
février pour augmenter son chiffre d'affaires. Ni
même la fête des secrétaires (Secretary's day,
fin avril), ou la fête des chefs (Boss day, le 16
octobre), que beaucoup appellent des Hallmark
Holidays, des "fêtes factices", rendues
indispensables par le business.
First Valentine :
Lasting legacy of 500
500-yearyear-old love
13 February 2011
Love it or hate it, even the most hardened antiRomeo will be hard pressed to avoid Valentine's
Day this year. But as an exhibit at the British
Library currently on show is testament to, there
is a first for everything - even on Valentine's
Day.
It is a letter, written from a young woman to her
love, and is the first mention of the word
Valentine in the English language. And, for the
first time, the descendants of Margery Brews
and her betrothed John Paston have been
traced.
- 11 -
Nos roses de la
SaintSaint-Valentin
assèchent un lac au Kenya
Lundi 14 février 2011
In 1477 Margery wrote a letter to her John
pleading with him not to give her up, despite her
parents' refusal to increase her dowry.
Addressing her "ryght welebeloued Voluntyne"
(right well-beloved Valentine), she promised to
be a good wife, adding: "Yf that ye loffe me as
Itryste verely that ye do ye will not leffe me" (If
you love me, I trust.. you will not leave me).
Her beloved might have had his mind on
business, driving a hard bargain for her hand in
marriage, but Margery still had her sights on
romance, and so secured her place in English
history.
"It might not necessarily be that nobody had
used Valentine in any context before, but this is
probably one of the first times it was written
down," says British Library curator Julian
Harrison.
And for Cambridge historian, Dr Helen Castor,
the importance of Margery Brews' letter and the
light it sheds on relationships at that time is
hugely important.
"One of the wonderful things about this
particular letter is that it is so private," she said.
"It gives a real sense of the relationship between
a young man and young woman wanting to
marry.
"Without this letter we wouldn't know that this
was a love match," she said
C’est « bisou »… et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
Aujourd’hui, vous avez sans doute offert une
rose à votre Valentine ou reçu la reine des fleurs
de la part de moitié. Une journée bien plus
rouge que verte pour l’environnement. Car,
c’est fort dommage pour la fête des amoureux,
mais les roses ne fleurissent pas en hiver. Les
millions de boutons offerts à travers l’Europe
proviennent ainsi à 70% du Kenya. Là-bas, ces
fleurs ont du soleil mais elles nécessitent aussi
beaucoup d’eau, la plus rare et précieuse des
ressources de ce pays africain. Conséquence de
l’emballement commercial occidental : les
besoins en eau pour la floriculture saignent un
pays à sec.
Selon le biologiste David Harper, de l’université
anglaise de Leicester, les ventes massives de
fleurs, sans se préoccuper de leur origine et de
la façon dont elles sont cultivées, assèchent
tout particulièrement le lac Naivasha. C’est en
effet sur ses bords que se sont installées les
trois quarts des exploitations de roses
kenyanes, d’immenses fermes industrielles qui
pompent sans la moindre restriction les
réserves du lac.
L’usage massif de pesticides et autres engrais
par les cultivateurs empoisonne par ailleurs son
eau et par conséquent la faune, la flore ainsi
- 12 -
que les habitants. “Si les choses continuent de la
sorte, si aucune régulation n’est mise en place,
dans moins de dix ans, le lac ne sera plus qu’un
étang
boueux
malodorant,
avec
des
communautés humaines appauvries vivant
difficilement sur ses rives dénudées. Au fur et à
mesure que sa surface et sa profondeur se
réduiront, il se réchauffera, entraînant la
prolifération de micro-algues. Ce n’est plus
qu’une question de temps pour que ce lac
devienne toxique”, déplore le biologiste, qui
mène depuis trente ans des études sur
l’hydrologie de la région.
Ces roses, une fois coupées au Kenya, sont
toutes acheminées vers la bourse aux fleurs
d’Amsterdam, où elles sont achetées par de
grandes enseignes qui leur apposent la mention
“Origine : Pays-Bas”. Elles sont ensuite
réexpédiées par avion aux quatre coins du
monde pour se retrouver sur les étals français,
anglais, allemands, américains ou russes, après
avoir parcouru des centaines de milliers de
kilomètres et pollué d’autant l’atmosphère.
Pour une Saint Valentin plus verte, on peut aussi
opter pour d’autres preuves d’amour.
Thai couple break kissing
record
15 February 2011
A Thai couple has sealed a new record for the
longest kissing, after locking lips for 46 hours, 24
minutes.
The Guinness World Records still have to verify
the latest "kissathon" for it to become official.
Husband and wife team Ekkachai and Laksana
Tiranarat were one of 14 couples taking part in a
contest in Pattaya.
The pair won a diamond ring worth 50,000 baht
(£1,016) and a 100,000 baht (£2,032) cash prize.
The couple began smooching at 0600 local time
on Sunday, and were announced the winners
just before dawn on Tuesday.
Contestants had to be either married or a
serious couple, with a marriage certificate or
letter from both parents required as proof.
They were allowed to eat, drink and use the
lavatory, provided they did not break their
embrace.
No sitting or sleeping was permitted; one
woman fainted just half an hour into the
competition.
"We want to show that love is meaningful and
powerful,"
said
organiser
Somporn
Naksuetrong.
"It's not easy to stand there and kiss for that
long. They really have to help each other and
support each other."
The previous record for the longest continuous
kiss of just over 32 hours was set in 2009 by a
couple in Germany.
Le record du monde de
bisous battu à Paris
Les étudiants du Pôle Paris Alternance ont
depassé le record du monde précédemment
détenu par l'Iscom.
Smack! Les étudiants du Pôle Paris Alternance
(PPA) ont battu le record du monde de la plus
longue chaîne de bisous. L'événement a eu lieu,
mercredi 7 juillet 2011, devant les locaux de
l'école, dans le 14e arrondissement de Paris. Au
total, 269 bisous ont été donnés par des
étudiants et des professeurs de l'établissement,
- 13 -
ainsi que par des passants interpellés dans la
rue.
L'ancien record de 236 bisous était détenu par
l'Iscom de Lyon.
La performance du PPA doit encore être
homologuée par le Guiness des records.
"I had given up hope," Mrs Paahlsson told
Dagens Nyheter, adding that she wanted to
have the ring adjusted to fit her.
Sweden: Wedding ring
'found on carrot' after 16
years
31 December 2011
A Swedish woman has discovered her wedding
ring on a carrot growing in her garden, 16 years
after she lost it, says a newspaper.
Lena Paahlsson had long ago lost hope of finding
the ring, which she designed herself, reports
Dagens Nyheter.
The white-gold band, set with seven small
diamonds, went missing in her kitchen in 1995,
she told the paper.
Although the ring no longer fits, she hopes to
have it enlarged so she can wear it again.
Mrs Paahlsson and her family live on a farm near
Mora in central Sweden.
She took the ring off to do some Christmas
baking with her daughters, but it disappeared
from the work surface where it had been left,
she explained to Dagens Nyheter.
The family searched everywhere and years later
took up the tiling on the floor during
renovations, in the hope of finding the ring.
It was not until 16 years later when Mrs
Paahlsson was pulling up carrots in her garden
that she noticed one with the gold band
fastened tightly around it.
"The carrot was sprouting in the middle of the
ring. It is quite incredible," her husband Ola said
to the newspaper.
The couple believe the ring fell into a sink back in
1995 and was lost in vegetable peelings that
were turned into compost or fed to their sheep.
"Now that I have found the ring again I want to
be able to use it," she said.
Un
bisou
pour
garder la santé
Ce sont les spécialistes en philamatologie - la
science appliquée à l'activité labiale - qui le
disent: les mères de l'Hexagone sont
particulièrement portées sur les poutous. Dès la
période de l'allaitement, elles couvrent leurs
rejetons de bisous beaucoup plus souvent que
- 14 -
les mamans anglo-saxonnes. Ce geste de
tendresse stimule la tétée et, à plus long terme,
le développement du langage des petits. Mères
ou pas, du reste, les femmes accordent plus
d'importance au rôle de la bise dans les rapports
sociaux et dans la vie du couple, affirme la
psychologue américaine Susan Hughes. "Il faut y
voir le résultat d'une démarche évolutionniste,
explique Nicolas Gueguen, chercheur en
psychologie sociale à l'université de BretagneSud. En quête d'informations olfactives et
tactiles pour évaluer l'autre, considéré comme
un
partenaire
potentiel,
les
femmes
multiplieraient les situations permettant
d'obtenir ce type d'informations, et la bise en
fait partie."
Sur le plan physiologique, le rituel du bisou
favorise la production de sérotonine, l'hormone
régulatrice de l'humeur, et celle de l'ocytocine,
associée au lien affectif, sexuel et amoureux. Il
contribue de cette manière au contrôle des
émotions et du comportement. Mieux: il fortifie
le système immunitaire. Selon les recherches
d'un allergologue japonais de l'université
d'Osaka, un couple se bécotant comme du bon
pain serait aussi moins sujet qu'un autre à de
méchantes allergies cutanées aux pollens. Vous
en voulez encore? Une équipe de chercheurs
américains a demandé à des couples
d'enchaîner les bisous avant de se soumettre à
des tests sanguins - on connaît expérimentation
plus douloureuse. Résultat: les cobayes
présentaient un taux de cholestérol, de cortisol
et une numération globulaire à faire pâlir
d'envie un coureur de triathlon.
Bordeaux détiendrait le record national
Les bécoteurs compulsifs seront également
heureux d'apprendre qu'un bisou effleuré exige
l'activation de seulement 12 muscles faciaux,
contre 34 pour le bécotage en bonne et due
forme. Et qu'il remplace avantageusement
l'effort sportif puisqu'il stabilise le rythme
cardiaque autour de 110 pulsations minute.
Pratique pour rendre le coeur plus endurant
sans suer sur un vélo d'appartement. On ignore
si les participants aux kiss mob - ces
manifestations bisouteuses de masse lancées
par les réseaux sociaux dans tout l'Hexagone -
- 15 -
sont au courant des trouvailles scientifiques
susmentionnées, mais en tout cas ils y vont de
bon coeur. Aux dernières nouvelles, Bordeaux
détiendrait le record national, avec 830 bisous
distribués à la chaîne en vingt-trois minutes
chrono, serré de près par Metz. Bref, on espère
vous avoir convaincu: en ce siècle d'effusions
faciles, le baiser n'a plus rien de cette
"déplaisante coutume et injurieuse aux dames"
dont parlait Montaigne.
was forced to confess that Maus was not the
real father of their two children.
Now Soupolos is suing Maus for breach of
contract in an effort to get his money back, but
Maus refuses to give it up because he said he
did not guarantee conception, but only that he
would give an honest effort.
In Stuttgart, Germany, a court judge must decide
on a case of honorable intentions in a situation
where a man hired his neighbor to get his wife
pregnant.
It seems that Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his
former beauty queen wife, Traute, wanted a
child badly, but Demetrius was told by a doctor
that he was sterile.
So, Soupolos, after calming his wife’s protests,
hired his neighbor, Frank Maus, 34, to
impregnate her. Since Maus was already married
and the father of two children, plus looked very
much like Soupolos to boot, the plan seemed
good.
Soupolos paid Maus $2,500 for the job and for
three evenings a week for the next six months,
Maus tried desperately, a total of 72 different
times, to impregnate Traute.
When his own wife objected, he explained, "I
don’t like this any more than you. I’m simply
doing it for the money. Try and understand."
When Traute failed to get pregnant after six
months,
however,
Soupolos
was
not
understanding and insisted that Maus have a
medical examination, which he did.
The doctor’s announcement that Maus was also
sterile shocked everyone except his wife, who
dans le camion des pompiers qui la
conduisait à l'hôpital. Retour sur une mise
au monde mouvementée.
Jumeaux et pourtant
nés dans deux
There
There
are
"good
neighbors" in Germany communes différentes
12/01/2012 à 16:37
Une mère a accouché mardi de jumeaux
too
Erwan et Benjamin sont jumeaux… mais ne sont
pas nés au même endroit, mardi après-midi. La
situation est certes étonnante mais son
explication est simple: leur mère a accouché
dans le camion de pompiers qui la conduisait de
Gaillon dans l'Eure à l'hôpital de Vernon. Le
premier bébé est donc né sur le trajet. Le
second, sur le parking de la maternité.
Fabienne, la jeune maman de 31 ans, raconte:
«Quand j'ai appelé les pompiers, le médecin du
SAMU me disait que j'avais le temps d'arriver à
l'hôpital de Vernon pour accoucher». Pourtant,
il semble que les deux petits n'aient pas voulu
attendre. «Sur le trajet, le premier est arrivé
tout seul, comme une lettre à la poste. Il a
glissé, il a dû trop pousser d'un coup et puis il
est sorti. Et le deuxième est sorti alors que le
camion de pompiers était en train de se garer
sur le parking de l'hôpital», raconte-t-elle,
amusée. «Les deux enfants sont donc nés dans
le camion des pompiers. L'un à 13h35 sur la
route, l'autre un peu plus tard devant les
urgences» précise-t-elle, consciente du cocasse
de la situation.
- 16 -
Les deux enfants seront donc déclarés dans deux
communes différentes. Celles que traversait le
camion de pompier au moment de chaque
naissance! «Je n'aurais jamais pensé que ça se
passerait comme ça!», déclare Fabienne,
toujours pas remise de l'aventure. «Je pensais
comme tout le monde aller en salle de
naissance. Et bien non! Moi je fais tout dans
l'original!», plaisante-t-elle.
détenu par le poisson indonésien Paedocypris
progenetica, dont l'adulte mesure entre 7,9 et
10,3 millimètres.
2
27.06.2011
Le plus petit vertébré
est
une
grenouille
papoue
12/01/2012
Paedophryne amauensis est une toute petite
grenouille, dont la taille moyenne au stade
adulte est de 7,7 millimètres. Les premiers
spécimens ont été trouvés en août 2009 près du
village d'Amau, en Papouasie-Nouvelle-Guinée.
Les biologistes qui les avaient collectés,
Christopher Austin et Eric Rittmeyer, de
l'Université de l'État de Louisiane à Baton Rouge,
viennent avec d'autres collègues de décrire
l'espèce et de la nommer. Ce batracien, qui
occupe la moitié du diamètre d'une pièce de 1
centime d'euro, est désormais le plus petit
vertébré connu. Il bat le record précédent,
2
Voir le
Canard épilé n°24 du 22-12-2010, pages 66
'K', l'ordinateur
le plus puissant3
Le super-calculateur japonais "K" a été classé
premier au classement biannuel TOP500, une
compétition mondiale qui départage les
ordinateurs les plus rapides. Elle a lieu depuis
1993 à l'initiative de Hans Meuer, professeur
d'informatique de l'université de Mannheim en
Allemagne.
K a été conçu et développé au Japon par la
firme Fujitsu Il est équipé de 68 544
microprocesseurs cadencés à 2 gigahertz, un
arsenal qui lui permet d’effectuer plus de 8
millions de milliards d’opérations par seconde
(8,162 petaflops).
Il bat ainsi largement le record précédent de
2,57 petaflops, établi en novembre 2010 par le
super-ordinateur chinois Tianhe, et laisse les
3
Voir :
Canard épilé n°18 du 1-6-2008, pages 11
le Canard épilé n°23 du 22-11-2010, pages 46 et 48
le Canard épilé n°24 du 22-12-2010, pages 14
le
- 17 -
précédentes meilleures machines loin derrière
(voir la carte avec l’emplacement et les
caractéristiques des dix premiers supercalculateurs).
Toujours en phase de configuration, le supercalculateur K devrait entrer en service fin 2012
dans un centre de recherche de l'université de
Tokyo pour des tâches de simulation climatique,
des travaux de recherche médicale ou des
modélisations liées aux risques naturels.
Entrepreneur and Microsoft co-founder Paul
Allen plans to create the world’s largest
aeroplane within the next five years.
The Stratolaunch, with a wingspan of 385ft, is
95ft wider than the largest passenger plane, the
Airbus 380, and is designed to carry unmanned
or manned space vehicles and cargo high into
the earth’s atmosphere for an air launch into
space
Exainformatique
Les constructeurs de microprocesseurs ne
comptent pas en rester là, et espèrent bientôt
franchir la barre de l’exaflops (1000 petaflops),
soit un milliard de milliards d’opérations par
seconde, grâce à une nouvelle génération de
microprocesseurs.
Intel développe ainsi une nouvelle architecture
destinée à diminuer la puissance électrique
requise par ses composants. Nommée MIC pour
Many Integrated Cores, elle devrait permettre
d’atteindre l’exaflops avec une consommation
raisonnable, selon le fondeur.
Il faut dire que ces ordinateurs sont très
gourmands en énergie. Pour fonctionner à une
vitesse d’un exaflops avec ses composants
actuels, le super-calculateur Tianhe nécessiterait
une puissance de 1,6 milliard de watts, soit un
peu plus que la puissance de la centrale
nucléaire de Belleville (Cher) ! La mise au point
de composants moins voraces est donc
indispensable pour rentrer dans ce que les
spécialistes nomment
l’ère
de
l’ «
exainformatique ». Une ère qui devrait
commencer en 2019, au vu de la progression des
performances au cours des dix dernières années.
The
futurist:
The
world’s largest plane
30 January 2012
Powered by six 747 jet engines, the plane will
require a 12,000ft runway for takeoffs and
landings. Once in flight, the plane will disengage
from its capsule and return to the ground, while
the capsule launches multistage booster rockets
to propel it into space orbit or to the
International Space Station. Allen’s company,
Stratolaunch System, plans to start with
unmanned cargo loads before it moves into
launching passengers into low earth orbit.
According to Allen and his partners, this airlaunch-to-orbit system is far less expensive and
far more flexible than traditional ground
launches, which are still used by some private
companies for satellite launches. The massive
plane can return to load up for new missions
quickly and can provide an alternative to launch
facilities that are already backed up with
existing space missions. The plane will be built
in California at the Mojave Air and Space Port in
a new Stratolaunch hangar currently under
construction.
- 18 -
Le coin de « l’histoire »
She was like this...
Une histoire de
«
la Valentine »
I used to be like this...
Together, we were like this...
Then I met a girl...
I gave her gifts like this...
- 19 -
When she accepted my proposal, I was like
this...
When my friends saw my girlfriend, they
stared like this...
And I used to react like this...
I used to talk to her all night like this...
But on Valentines Day, she received a red
rose from someone else like this...
And at the office I used to do this...
- 20 -
And she was like this…
and this...
And I was like this…
I felt like doing this...
I started doing this...
Which later led to this...
- 21 -
and this …
Souvenirs
des années
soixantes
GIRLS!
Boys !
What truetrue-life a romance !!!
C’est grrr… et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
- 22 -
- 23 -
Le Canard épilé
Le Canard épilé
- 24 -
Le coin de « l’Histoire »
Nhatrang
ngày tháng cũ
Nha Trang trước
tr c
thập
th p niên 70, êm ả
thơ
ng.
th mộng.
Trường Nữ trung học Huyền Trân
Trường Trung học Võ Tánh
Ty Thông Tin Thành Phố Nha Trang
Nữ sinh Nha Trang ngày xưa
- 25 -
Mã Vòng
Ngã 5 Thông Tin
Góc Mã Vòng & Trần Qúy Cáp
- 26 -
Góc ñường Trần Qúy Cáp & Phường Cũi
Ga tàu lữa
Cuối ñường Trần Qúy Cáp
Đường Gia Long nay là Thái Nguyên
Khu phố Phường Cũi
(nay là Phương Sài)
- 27 -
Cuối ñường Độc Lập
Đầu ñường Phan Bội Châu
Ngã tư Phan Bội Châu & Sinh Trung
- 28 -
Đường Phan Bội Châu
Chợ Đầm lúc này chưa bị cháy
- 29 -
Đường Độc Lập
Góc ñường Quang Trung & Độc Lập
Đường Độc Lập rạp cine TânTân
- 30 -
Ngã tư Đường Độc lập
Rạp cine Tân Tân
nằm trên ñường Độc Lập
Rạp hát Tân Quang, nay là Maximark,
ngã 5 ñầu ñường Yersin
Đường Lê Văn Duyệt
(nay là ñường Nguyễn Thiện Thuật)
Đường Yersin
- 31 -
Kế bên khách sạn Lodge bây giờ
Đường Duy Tân
nay là ñường Trần Phú
Cầu Hà Ra
Hiện tại là quán bốn mùa..
Kế bên Tháp Trầm hương
- 32 -
Bến cãng Cầu Đá
Cầu Xóm Bóng
Công viên Yến Phi (người nữ Phật tử
Đào Thị Yến Phi ñã tự thiêu vì hòa
bình,)
Khách sạn Grand nha trang ngày xưa
- 33 -
Đồng Đế năm 1969
Lầu Bão Đại
- 34 -
~1972
4-2000
- 35 -
28-10-2008
- 36 -
28-10-2008
- 37 -
4-2000
- 38 -
28-10-2008
- 39 -
Le coin littéraire
… de la littérature que vous ne trouverez nulle part
ailleurs …
4 ans après,
comment oublier
George W. Bush
?
Voici donc une sélection de ses plus belles
boulettes et autres phrases malheureuses... :
- "La vaste majorité de nos importations vient de
l'extérieur du pays" - 25 septembre 2000
- "Les gens s'attendent à ce que nous échouions.
Notre mission est de dépasser leur attente"
- "Le niveau d’illettrisme de nos enfants sont
scandaleux" - 23 janvier 2004
- "Je ne pense pas que nous ayons condamné à
mort un seul coupable... je veux dire, innocent...
dans l'état du Texas" - Avril 1996
- "Bien sûr que je connais l'Europe. Je regarde la
télévision quand même. J'en suis définitivement
fan !" - 1999
- "C’est très intéressant, quand on y pense : tous
ces esclaves qui sont partis d’ici pour l’Amérique,
à cause de leur ténacité, de leur religion et de
leur croyance dans la liberté, ont contribué à
changer l’Amérique" - 8 juillet 2003
- "La raison pour laquelle je crois en une baisse
des impôts, c'est avant tout parce que j'y crois"
- "Ce n'est pas la pollution qui attaque
l'environnement. Ce sont les impuretés dans
notre air et dans notre eau qui en sont
responsables" - Décembre 2005
- "Je sais ce que je crois. Je continuerai à
exprimer ce que je crois, et ce que je crois... je
crois que ce que je crois est bien" - 22 juillet
2001
- "Depuis maintenant un siècle et demi,
l'Amérique et le Japon ont formé l'une des plus
grandes et des plus fortes alliances des temps
modernes. De cette alliance est née une ère de
paix dans le Pacifique" - 18 février 2002
- "La troisième priorité est de donner la
première des priorités à l'enseignement" - 27
février 2001
- "Je sais que l’être humain et le poisson
peuvent coexister pacifiquement" - 6 novembre
2000
- "J'ai une politique étrangère axée sur
l'étranger" - Octobre 2006
- "La guerre contre le terrorisme implique
Saddam Hussein à cause de la nature de
Saddam Hussein, l'histoire de Saddam Hussein,
et sa volonté de se terroriser lui-même" - 23
janvier 2003
- "Et il n'y a pas de doute dans mon esprit, pas le
moindre doute dans mon esprit que nous allons
échouer. L'échec ne fait pas partie de notre
vocabulaire. Notre grande nation va guider le
monde et nous réussirons" - 4 octobre 2001
- "Notre nation doit s'unifier pour se réunir" - 4
juin 2001
- "Je crois que vous m'avez mal sous-estimé" - 6
novembre 2000
- "Les pauvres ne sont pas nécessairement des
tueurs. Ce n'est pas parce qu'il peut arriver que
- 40 -
vous ne soyez pas fortuné que vous avez alors le
désir de tuer"
- "Il faut garder de bonnes relations avec les
Gréciens" - 12 juin 1999
- "L'idée que les Etats-Unis se préparent à
attaquer l’Iran est tout simplement ridicule. Cela
dit, toutes les options restent ouvertes" - 22
février 2005
- "Je crois que nous sommes d’accord, le passé
est révolu"
10 mai 2000
- "Je crois vraiment que les décisions que j'ai
prises rendront le monde meilleur"
20 décembre 2004
- Nous sommes prêts pour tout événement
imprévu qui peut ou ne peut pas se produire.
22 septembre 1997
- "Si nous ne réussissons pas, nous courons le
risque d'échouer"
2001
- "Une faible participation est une indication que
moins de gens sont allés voter"
2003
- "Le futur sera meilleur demain"
1995
- "Je crois que nous sommes dans une tendance
irréversible pour plus de liberté et de
démocratie, mais ça pourrait changer"
22 mai 1998
- "J'ai fait de bons jugements dans le passé, j'ai
fait de bons jugements dans le futur"
- "C'est évidemment un budget. Y a plein de
numéros dedans"
2002
- "Il est vraiment important de réussir en
Afghanistan comme nous avons réussi en Irak"
16 juin 2004
- "Je ne peux pas m'imaginer avec un grand
chapeau de paille et une chemise hawaïenne
assis sur une plage, surtout depuis que j'ai arrêté
de boire"
12 janvier 2009
- "J'ai demandé aux Américains de donner 4.000
ans... 4.000 heures dans la prochaine... dans le
reste de leur vie... au service de l'Amérique"
9 avril 2002
- "Je suis très honoré de rencontrer M. Anzar" Le 12 juin 2001, durant son voyage en Europe,
s'adressant à José Maria Aznar, Premier
ministre espagnol.
- "Je veux juste vous faire savoir que lorsque
nous parlons de guerre, nous parlons vraiment
de la paix" - 18 juin 2002
George
W. Bushspeak
Adventures in
"I miss being pampered." --George W. Bush,
reflecting on his presidency, University of Texas
at Tyler, Oct. 19, 2010
"This is my maiden voyage. My first speech
since I was the president of the United States
and I couldn't think of a better place to give it
- 41 -
than Calgary, Canada." --George W. Bush, as
reported by the Associated Press, Calgary,
Canada, March 17, 2009
"I'm going to put people in my place, so when
the history of this administration is written at
least there's an authoritarian voice saying
exactly what happened." --George W. Bush, on
what he hopes to accomplish with his memoir,
as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary,
Canada, March 17, 2009
"One of the very difficult parts of the decision I
made on the financial crisis was to use
hardworking people's money to help prevent
there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush,
Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like
to attack America, Americans, again. There just
is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him
all the very best." --George W. Bush,
"In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a
recession, I am ending on a recession." --George
W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
"I guess it's OK to call the secretary of education
here 'buddy.' That means friend." --George W.
Bush, Philadelphia, Jan. 8, 2009
"So I analyzed that and decided I didn't want to
be the president during a depression greater
than the Great Depression, or the beginning of a
depression greater than the Great Depression." - Washington D.C., Dec. 18, 2008
"People say, well, do you ever hear any other
voices other than, like, a few people? Of course I
do." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec.
18, 2008
"I've abandoned free market principles to save
the free market system." --George W. Bush,
Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008
"You know, I'm the President during this period
of time, but I think when the history of this
period is written, people will realize a lot of the
decisions that were made on Wall Street took
place over a decade or so, before I arrived in
President, during I arrived in President." -George W. Bush, ABC News interview, Dec. 1,
2008
"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been
the president." --George W. Bush, Washington,
D.C., Nov. 12, 2008
"He was a great father before politics, a great
father during politics and a great father after
politics." --George W. Bush, on his father,
George H.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12,
2008
"Yesterday, you made note of my -- the lack of
my talent when it came to dancing. But
nevertheless, I want you to know I danced with
joy. And no question Liberia has gone through
very difficult times." --George W. Bush, speaking
with the president of Liberia, Washington, D.C.,
Oct. 22, 2008
"I want to share with you an interesting
program -- for two reasons, one, it's interesting,
and two, my wife thought of it -- or has actually
been involved with it; she didn't think of it. But
she thought of it for this speech." --George W.
Bush, discussing a company that improves
access to clean water in Africa, Washington
D.C., Oct. 21, 2008
"This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to
take a while to unthaw." --George W. Bush, on
liquidity in the markets, Alexandria, La., Oct. 20,
2008
"I didn't grow up in the ocean -- as a matter of
fact -- near the ocean -- I grew up in the desert.
Therefore, it was a pleasant contrast to see the
ocean. And I particularly like it when I'm
fishing." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,
Sept. 26, 2008
"Anyone engaging in illegal financial
transactions will be caught and persecuted." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19,
2008
"We're fixing to go down to Galveston and
obviously are going to see a devastated part of
- 42 -
this fantastic state." --George W. Bush, Houston,
Sept. 16, 2008
"The people in Louisiana must know that all
across our country there's a lot of prayer -prayer for those whose lives have been turned
upside down. And I'm one of them." --George W.
Bush, Baton Rouge, La., Sept. 3, 2008
"First of all, I don't see America having
problems." --George W. Bush, interview with
Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, China,
Aug. 10, 2008
"I'm coming as the president of a friend, and I'm
coming as a sportsman." --George W. Bush, on
his trip to the Olympics in China, Washington,
D.C., July 30, 2008
"There's no question about it. Wall Street got
drunk -- that's one of the reasons I asked you to
turn off the TV cameras -- it got drunk and now
it's got a hangover. The question is how long will
it sober up and not try to do all these fancy
financial instruments." --George W. Bush,
speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas,
July 18, 2008
"I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued
this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand -but the president doesn't have a magic wand.
You just can't say, 'low gas.'" --George W. Bush,
Washington D.C., July 15, 2008
"And they have no disregard for human life." -George W. Bush, on the brutality of Afghan
fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008
"The economy is growing, productivity is high,
trade is up, people are working. It's not as good
as we'd like, but -- and to the extent that we find
weakness, we'll move." --George W. Bush,
Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008
"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." -George W. Bush, in parting words to British
Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French
President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8
Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as
the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu,
Japan, July 10, 2008
"Amigo! Amigo!" --George W. Bush, calling out
to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi in
Spanish at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July
10, 2008
"Throughout our history, the words of the
Declaration have inspired immigrants from
around the world to set sail to our shores. These
immigrants have helped transform 13 small
colonies into a great and growing nation of
more than 300 people." --George W. Bush,
Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008
"Should the Iranian regime-do they have the
sovereign right to have civilian nuclear power?
So, like, if I were you, that's what I'd ask me.
And the answer is, yes, they do." --George W.
Bush, talking to reporters in Washington, D.C.,
July 2, 2008
"But oftentimes I'm asked: Why? Why do you
care what happens outside of America?" -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June
26,2008
"I remember meeting a mother of a child who
was abducted by the North Koreans right here
in the Oval Office." --George W. Bush,
Washington, D.C., June 26, 2008
"I want to tell you how proud I am to be the
President of a nation that -- in which there's a
lot of Philippine-Americans. They love America
and they love their heritage. And I reminded the
President that I am reminded of the great talent
of the -- of our Philippine-Americans when I eat
dinner at the White House." --George W. Bush,
referring to White House chef Cristeta
Comerford while meeting with Filipino
President
Gloria
Macapagal
Arroyo,
"And I, unfortunately, have been to too many
disasters as president." --George W. Bush,
discussing flooding in the Midwest, Washington,
D.C., June 17, 2008
"There is some who say that perhaps freedom is
not universal. Maybe it's only Western people
that can self-govern. Maybe it's only, you know,
- 43 -
white-guy Methodists who are capable of selfgovernment. I reject that notion." --George W.
Bush, London, June 16, 2008
"Your eminence, you're looking good." --George
W. Bush to Pope Benedict XVI, using the title for
Catholic cardinals, rather than addressing him as
"your holiness," Rome, June 13, 2008
"The German asparagus are fabulous." --George
W. Bush, Meseberg, Germany, June 11, 2008
"We've got a lot of relations with countries in
our neighborhood." --George W. Bush, Kranj,
Slovenia, June 10, 2008
"One of the things important about history is to
remember the true history." --George W. Bush,
"There's no question this is a major human
disaster that requires a strong response from the
Chinese government, which is what they're
providing, but it also responds a compassionate
response from nations to whom -- that have got
the blessings, good blessings of life, and that's
us." --George W. Bush, on relief efforts after a
Chinese earthquake, Washington, D.C., June 6,
2008
"Let's make sure that there is certainty during
uncertain times in our economy." -- George W.
Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008
"We got plenty of money in Washington. What
we need is more priority." --George W. Bush,
"And so the fact that they purchased the
machine meant somebody had to make the
machine. And when somebody makes a
machine, it means there's jobs at the machinemaking place." --George W. Bush, Mesa, Arizona,
May 27, 2008
"I don't want some mom whose son may have
recently died to see the commander in chief
playing golf. I feel I owe it to the families to be in
solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think
playing golf during a war just sends the wrong
signal." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,
May 13, 2008
"I'll be long gone
before some smart
person ever figures
out what happened
inside this Oval
Office." --George
W.
Bush,
Washington, D.C.,
May 12, 2008
"How can you
possibly have an
international
agreement that's
effective unless countries like China and India
are not full participants?" --George W. Bush,
Camp David, April 19, 2008
"Oftentimes people ask me, 'Why is it that
you're so focused on helping the hungry and
diseased in strange parts of the world?'" -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 18,
2008
"So long as I'm the president, my measure of
success is victory -- and success." --George W.
Bush, on Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 17, 2008
"Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech." -George W. Bush, to Pope Benedict, Washington,
D.C., April 15, 2008
"A lot of times in politics you have people look
you in the eye and tell you what's not on their
mind." --George W. Bush, Sochi, Russia, April 6,
2008
"Afghanistan is the most daring and ambition
mission in the history of NATO." --George W.
Bush, Bucharest, Romania, April 2, 2008
"Soldiers, sailors, Marines, airmen, and
Coastmen -- Coast Guardmen, thanks for
coming, thanks for wearing the uniform." -George W. Bush, at the Pentagon, March 19,
2008
"I thank the diplomatic corps, who is here as
well." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,
March 12, 2008
- 44 -
"Removing Saddam
decision early in my
decision now, and it
ever." --George W.
March 12, 2008
Hussein was the right
presidency, it is the right
will be the right decision
Bush, Washington, D.C.,
"Wait a minute.
What did you just
say?
You're
predicting
$4-agallon gas? ... That's
interesting. I hadn't
heard
that."
-George W. Bush,
Washington, D.C.,
Feb. 28, 2008
"I'm
oftentimes
asked,
What
difference does it make to America if people are
dying of malaria in a place like Ghana? It means
a lot. It means a lot morally, it means a lot from a
-- it's in our national interest." --George W. Bush,
Accra, Ghana, Feb. 20, 2008
"Let me start off by saying that in 2000 I said,
'Vote for me. I'm an agent of change.' In 2004, I
said, 'I'm not interested in change --I want to
continue as president.' Every candidate has got
to say 'change.' That's what the American people
expect." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,
March 5, 2008
"And so, General, I want to thank you for your
service. And I appreciate the fact that you really
snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are
trying to defeat us in Iraq." --George W. Bush, to
Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C.,
March 3, 2008
"There is no doubt in my mind when history was
written, the final page will say: Victory was
achieved by the United States of America for the
good of the world." --George W. Bush,
addressing U.S. troops at Camp Arifjan in Kuwait,
Jan. 12, 2008
"I can press when there needs to be pressed; I
can hold hands when there needs to be -- hold
hands." --George W. Bush, on how he can
contribute to the Middle East peace process,
Boys !
What healthy a speaking !!!
Le Canard épilé ???
C’est « G.W.B. » et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
- 45 -
Revocation of
Independance
John Cleese's Letter to the USA – 2000
To the citizens of the United States of America,
in light of your failure to elect a competent
President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective
today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
resumes monarchical duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories. Except
Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable
Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have,
until now, been unaware there's a world outside
your borders) will appoint a Minister for
America. Congress and the Senate are
disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year
will determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid your transition to a British Crown
Dependency, the following rules are introduced
with immediate effect:
1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the
pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just
how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will
be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell
'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed
with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is
an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed." There
will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer
show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad
language then you should not have chat shows.
2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll
let Microsoft know on your behalf. The
Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u'.
3. You should learn to distinguish English and
Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in
Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will
no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must
learn that there is no such place as Devonshire
in England. The name of the county is "Devon."
If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all
American States will become "shires" e.g.
Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. You should relearn your original national
anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after
fully carrying out task 1.
5. You should stop playing American "football."
There's only one kind of football. What you call
American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside
your borders may have noticed no one else
plays "American" football. You should instead
play proper football. Initially, it would be best if
you played with the girls.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to
American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
You should stop playing baseball. It's not
reasonable to host an event called the 'World
Series' for a game which is not played outside of
America. Instead of baseball, you will be
allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders,"
- 46 -
which is baseball without fancy team stripe,
oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of
confusion.
6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry
guns, or anything more dangerous in public than
a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible
enough to handle potentially dangerous items,
you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.
11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or
"Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep
calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting
UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used
to it).
7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.
November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It
will be called "Indecisive Day."
12. Learn to resolve personal issues without
guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many
lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult
enough to be independent. If you're not adult
enough to sort things out without suing
someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not
grown up enough to handle a gun.
8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are
crap and it is for your own good. When we show
you German cars, you will understand what we
mean. All road intersections will be replaced
with roundabouts, and you will start driving on
the left. At the same time, you will go metric
without the benefit of conversion tables.
Roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.
9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call
French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't
French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you
(including the guy who discovered fries while in
Europe) are not aware of a country called
Belgium. Potato chips are properly called
"crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in
animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to
chips is beer which should be served warm and
flat.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is
actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as "beer." Substances once known as
"American Beer" will henceforth be referred to
as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the
product of the American Budweiser company
which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as
manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,
13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving
us crazy.
14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure
the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated
to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
All of this started in 2000, when the U.S. went
through a close, controversial, contested
presidential election ( which resulted in a
victory for the Republican candidate, George
W. Bush).
One of the multiplicity of variants of the
"Revocation of Independence" satire was
dusted off, British funnyman John Cleese's
name was appended to the end, and the cycle
of forwarding started all over again, only this
time with a recognizeable name attached to the
piece. Many, many people have had a hand in
shaping the multiple variations of this bit of
humor that now exist, but John Cleese is almost
certainly one of the few who hasn't.
- 47 -
DECLARATION
OF ANNEXING
which attempted to impose British English
linguistic superiority on a nation which has a
higher number of English speakers.
THE BRITISH ISLES
3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish
the American and Canadian accents. American
accents are not limited to redneck drawls or
New York accents. Mainland Americans have
more than enough accents to cope with in our
own country, so all British dramas will now bear
subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable
dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To
make life easier for mainland America, all British
films and TV programs must use American
vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will
wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks
on them, Welsh characters will not be used
since we don't have Welsh Americans, and
English characters will wear bowler hats and
pinstripes.
AS PART OF
THE USA
The Supreme Court of Florida,
To the imperialist British colonizers.
In the light of your indecision over joining a
common European Currency, your dissatisfaction
with the European Union, your bickering with
European Governments and the fact that you
already almost speak our language and refuse to
speak any other European languages, you are to
be annexed as a State of America. Your state
code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to
replace your old postal districts. The state capital
will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot
prettier than London. Princess Diana will be
declared a saint. You have already assimilated so
much American culture that you are unlikely to
notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation,
the following rules are introduced with
immediate effect:
1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American
Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation
guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are
mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are,
of course welcome to your idiosyncratic and
illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you
wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have
spelled it that way in the first place. You will quit
using words such as "fortnight". The correct
term is "a two week period". You will learn
words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
2. There is no such thing as "UK English". UK
English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power
4. The British film industry will no longer portray
all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer
trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will
continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British
accents as this makes it easier for viewers to
identify which characters are British. You can
have Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and
we don't want him either. All British films will be
made in Hollywood where the weather and
scenery are better. Your film industry is already
unable to make a halfway-decent film which
doesn't contain a American in the starring role.
All American characters should be 'good guys'.
5. You will learn your new national anthem "The
Star Spangled Banner". It shall be sung every
morning at kindergarten, high school, university
and your places of work. Your Union Flag will be
hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching
about it being upside down. If there was meant
to be a right way up you should have made it
simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by the
- 48 -
Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of
time.
6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby.
There is no need to have two games, one of
which is confusingly like Football and one of
which is called football but patently isn't real
football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds of
padding, it isn't football. You should also stop
playing cricket. Americans can't understand the
rules. If you insist on playing this game which is
only played by former British colonies, you will
introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts,
colored strips and cheerleaders to make it more
interesting. Any match which takes longer than
90 minutes will be declared a draw.
7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad
guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't
do as we tell them. They are also the guys who
attract the biggest audiences into movie
theaters. You will cease using the word
"cinema". They are "movie theaters". The
snippets of forthcoming films are not "trailers"
they are "teasers".
8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks.
July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If
you want a big fireworks party on November 5th,
we will help you to blow up your Houses of
Parliament. You won't be needing them any
longer; Disneyland London will be situated there.
Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned.
Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck,
some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and
enough guns and ammo to equip a private
militia. There is also no such activity as
"caravanning". It is properly called "camping".
The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls
is called "tenting".
9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the
point of turning left in order to turn right? They
are confusing to Americans and are death traps.
You will start driving on the right with
immediate effect. Most of the world drives on
the right already. You will be allowed to turn
right on a red light if safe to do so though you
must check local county legislation as this is not
permitted in all areas.
10. Those things which you call chips are
cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start
to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If
you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks
you will need a certificate from your doctor and
good medical insurance. Beer is to be served
cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is
properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have
determined it to be unfit for human
consumption. You will also learn the difference
between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid
causing unnecessary confusion to mainland
Americans.
11. All inter-personal communications between
family members, even if resident in the same
house, must be through a lawyer. It is
compulsory to sue somebody at least once per
year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have
therapy three times each week and to recover
false memories of your childhood which allow
you to sue your parents and/or your therapist.
Therapy will take the place of speaking to family
members. You will be given compulsory courses
on how to become dysfunctional. Name your
children after interesting medical conditions.
12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of
Mainland Americans you are wayward children.
Children are not permitted to play with firearms
unless they have a legitimate reason to do so
i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a
small town (self-defense) or slaughter every
living creature within a mile radius (hunting).
Thank you for your co-operation. You will be
assimilated.
- 49 -
( another ) NOTICE OF
REVOCATION OF
INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great
Britain and Northern Ireland:
We welcome your concern about our electoral
process. It must be exciting for you to see a real
Republic in action, even if from a distance. As
always we're amused by your quaint belief that
you're actually a world power. The sun never
sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
However, we regretfully have to decline your
offer for intervention. On the other hand, it
would be amusing to see you try to enforce your
new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to
have forgotten that you have little to no real
power). After much deliberation, we have
decided to continue our tradition as the longest
running democratic republic. It seems that
switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a
"backwards step" by the majority of the world.
To help you rise from your current anachronistic
status, we have compiled a series of helpful
suggestions that we hope you adopt:
1. Realize that language is an organic structure,
and that you aren't always correct in your
pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your
"aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an
Englishman) invented the name "aluminum"
(note spelling) for the metal. However, in
common usage the name evolved into
"aluminium" to match the naming convention of
other elements. In 1925 the United States
decided to switch back to theoriginal spelling
and pronunciation of the word, at which point
we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also
like to point out that the process of actually
producing aluminum was developed by an
American and a Frenchman (not an
Englishman).
However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford
English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection,
considering that over 10,000 of the words in the
original edition were submitted by a crazy
American civil-war veteran called Dr. William
Charles Minor.
2. Learn to distinguish the American and
Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the
English and Australian accent issue.
3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)
4. If you want English actors as good guys, then
make your own movies. Don't rely on us for
your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock,
Stock,
and
Two
Smoking
Barrels",
"Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've
also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot".
But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make
a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing
pretty well with music, so keep up the good
work on that front.
5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that
changes its title whenever your monarch dies.
Let's not forget that your national anthem has
an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching
to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or
maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The
Wind" again for you guys.
6. Improve at your national sport. Football?
Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth
place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer
Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By
the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You
almost managed to get through the tournament
without having your fans start an international
incident.
- 50 -
7. Learn how to cook. England has some top
notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite
yummy. However, there's a reason why the best
food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your
contributions to the culinary arts are soggy
beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps
when you finally realize the French aren't the
spawn of satan they'll teach you how to cook.
8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding
cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the
wrong side of the road. A second problem is
pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and
ship it to England than to buy a car in England.
On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston
Martins. That's why we bought the companies.
9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you
apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your time. Yu can now return to
watching bad Australian soap operas.
P.S. — Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.
( on dit : Merci le Canard épilé )
C’est à cause de « G.W.B. »
que c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
- 51 -
Le coin des poèmes
Vườn Quê
Cho em trở lại ñường xưa
Để em tìm lại gốc dừa cạnh ao
Lời anh âu yếm chiều nào
Thoảng vang trong gió rì rào chớm thu
Ðất Quảng nam chưa mưa ñã thấm
Rượu Hồng Ðào chưa uống ñã say
Bạn về ñừng ngủ gác tay
Nơi mô nghĩa nặng, ân ñầy thì theo'.
'Quê tôi có gió bốn mùa,
Có trăng giữa tháng có chùa quanh năm.
Chuông hôm gió sớm trăng Rằm,
Chỉ thanh ñạm thế âm thầm thế thôi.
Mai này tôi bỏ quê tôi,
Bỏ trăng bỏ gió chao ôi bỏ chùa'.
Lisez et faites lire
le Canard épilé
- 52 -
Đố ai lượm ñá quăng trời,
Đan gàu tát biển ghẹo người cung trăng.
Đừng thấy miếu rách mà khinh,
Miếu rách mặc miếu, thần linh hãy còn.
Được mùa chê gạo vô hơi,
Mất mùa ăm cám, trời ơi, hỡi trời.
Đưa nhau ñổ chén rượu hồng
Mai sau em có theo chồng ñất xa
Qua ñò gõ nhịp chèo ca
Nước xuôi làm rượu quan hà chuốc say
- 53 -
Sông dài cá lội biệt tăm,
Phải duyên chồng vợ ngàn năm cũng chờ.
Ruộng ai thì nấy ñắp bờ,
Duyên ai nấy gặp ñừng chờ uổng công.
Công anh chẻ nứa ñan bồ
Con chị ñi mất, anh vồ con em
Công anh rọc lá gói nem
Con chị ñi mất, con em trốn chồng
- 54 -
Đưa nhau ñổ chén rượu hồng
Mai sau em có theo chồng ñất xa
Qua ñò gõ nhịp chèo ca
Nước xuôi làm rượu quan hà chuốc say
Cau già dao bén thì ngon
Người già trang ñiểm phấn son cũng già
- 55 -
Càng già càng dẻo càng dai
Càng gãy chân chõng, càng sai chân giường
Đi chùa lạy Phật cầu chồng
Hộ pháp liền bảo ñờn ông hết rồi
- 56 -
Cầm tay em như ăn bì nem gỏi cuốn
Dựa lưng nàng như uống chén rượu ngon
Mưa xuân, lác ñác vườn ñào
Công anh ñắp ñất, ngăn rào trồng hoa
Ai làm gió táp, mưa sa
Cho cây anh ñổ, cho hoa anh tàn.
- 57 -
Đàn bà nói có là không
Nói yêu là ghét, nói buồn là vui
Đàn bà tốt tóc thì sang
Đàn ông tốt tóc thì mang nặng ñầu
- 58 -
Cái cò là cái cò quằm,
Mày hay ñánh vợ mày nằm với ai?
Có ñánh thì ñánh sớm mai,
Chớ ñánh chập tối, chẳng ai cho nằm.
Tốt duyên lấy ñược vợ già,
Vừa sạch cửa nhà, vừa rẻo cơm canh.
- 59 -
Đàn ông kia hỡi ñàn ông!
Nửa ñêm trở dậy cắm chông ñàn bà.
Đàn bà kia hỡi ñàn bà!
Nửa ñêm trở dậy rút ruột già ñàn ông.
Vương, Phụ, Mẫu, Phu, Thê
Ngồi lại một thuyền,
Gặp trận giông chìm xuống.
Em hỏi thăm chàng sẽ vớt ai?
- 60 -
Đứng giữa trời anh nói không sai.
Vương anh ñội trên ñầu,
Phụ mẫu anh gánh hai vai,
Còn Hiền Thê ơi, lại ñây anh cõng.
Còn hai tay, anh vớt thuyền.
Còn trời còn nước còn non,
Còn cô bán rượu tôi còn say sưa
- 61 -
Tâm hồn an lành là một Mảnh Vườn
Ý an lành là Rễ
Lời an lành là Hoa
Việc làm tốt lành là Quả
… mais lisez et faites lire
le Canard épilé
- 62 -
Le coin du rire
Salon de l'auto : Comment reconnaître les
nationalités des visiteurs du Mondial de
l'Automobile ?
- L'Allemand examine le moteur
- L'Anglais examine les cuirs
- Le Grec examine l'échappement
- L'Italien examine le Klaxon
- Le Portugais examine la peinture
- L'Americain examine la taille
- Le Suisse examine le coffre
- Le Chinois examine tout
- Le Belge examine rien
- Le Français examine la vendeuse
Un homme aborde une
femme dans un bar ... :
Lui : - On ne s' est pas déjà rencontrés ?
Elle : - Sûrement , je suis infirmière aux maladies
vénériennes .
Lui :- Vous , je vous ai déjà vue quelque part ...
Elle : - Oui , et c' est d' ailleurs pour çà que je n' y
vais plus .
Lui : - Ce siège est libre ?
Elle : - Oui , et le mien aussi sera libre , si vous
vous asseyez là !
Lui : - J' aimerais bien vous appeler , c' est quoi
votre N° ?
Elle : - C' est dans l' annuaire .
Lui : - Mais je ne connais pas votre nom ...
Elle : - Dans l' annuaire aussi .
Lui : - Je connais tous les trucs pour satisfaire
une femme .
Elle : - Alors fais-moi plaisir , casse-toi !
Lui : - Je suis photographe , et je cherchais
justement un visage comme le votre !
Elle : - Je suis chirurgien esthétique et moi aussi
, je cherchais justement un visage comme le
votre !
Lui : - Salut ! On est pas sorti ensemble déjà une
fois , ou deux ?
Elle : - C' est possible mais une fois alors , je ne
fais jamais deux fois la même erreur .
Lui : - M' accorderiez-vous le plaisir de cette
danse ?
Elle : - Non merci , j' aimerais avoir du plaisir
aussi !
Lui : - Comment avez-vous fait pour être si belle
?
Elle : - On a dû me donner votre part !
Lui : - Est-ce que vous sortiriez avec moi samedi
prochain ?
Elle : - Désolée , j' ai prévu d' avoir une migraine
ce week-end !
Lui : - Votre visage doit faire tourner quelques
têtes !
Elle : - Et le votre doit retourner quelques
estomacs !
Lui : - Allez , ne soyez pas timide , demandezmoi de sortir !
Elle : - D' accord , veuillez sortir s' il vous plait !
Lui : - Je crois que je pourrai vous rendre très
heureuse .
Elle : - Pourquoi , vous partez ?
Lui : - Que répondriez-vous si je vous demandais
de m' épouser ?
Elle : - Rien . Je ne peux pas rire et parler en
même temps !
Lui : - Puis-je avoir votre nom ?
Elle : - Pourquoi , vous n' en avez pas ?
Lui : - ça vous dirait d'aller voir un film avec moi
?
Elle : - Je l'ai déjà vu !
Lui : - Croyez-vous que c' est le destin qui nous a
fait nous rencontrer ?
Elle : - Nan , juste de la simple malchance !
- 63 -
Lui : - J' irai au bout du monde pour vous .
Elle : - Mais promettez-vous d' y rester ?
Lui : - Où étiez-vous durant toute ma vie ?
Elle : - Où je serai certainement pour le reste de
vos jours : dans vos rêves .
A Police STOP at 2 AM
An elderly man is stopped by the police around
2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this
time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture
about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on
the human body, as well as smoking and
staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving
that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
Nos amis les belges….
Histoire véridique parue dans la revue
'Feathers', organe de la Fédération de
l'industrie volaillère de Californie.
L'administration
aéronautique
fédérale
américaine (FAA) a un moyen unique de tester la
résistance des pare-brise d'avions. Le système
est composé d'un pistolet qui lance des poulets
morts sur les dits pare-brise à la vitesse
approximative d'un avion en vol. La théorie est
simple. Si le pare-brise résiste à l'impact de la
carcasse, il devrait survivre à une véritable
collision avec un oiseau vivant.
Les Belges se sont montrés très intéressés et
ont décidé ainsi de tester la résistance des parebrise du modèle de locomotive à grande vitesse
qu'ils sont en train de développer.
Ils ont donc emprunté le lanceur de poulet
américain, l'ont chargé et ont
fait feu. Le poulet 'sol-sol' a :
- Explosé la vitre du train,
- Traversé le fauteuil du mécano,
- Défoncé la console 'instrument de bord'
- Avant de s'encastrer dans le panneau arrière
de la cabine de pilotage.
Les Belges un peu surpris, ont alors demandé à
la FAA de vérifier la validité de leur test.
La FAA s'est donc livrée à un examen de la
procédure pour aboutir à la recommandation
suivante : « Il faut décongeler le poulet ! »
Chinese speaking to a
Chinese operator...
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wang?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wang!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak
to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wang. And I need to talk to
Annie Wang! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you
want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent
matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell Annie Wang that our
brother Noe Wang was involved in an accident.
Noe Wang got injured and now Noe Wang is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery
Wang is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no
one was sent to the hospital, then the accident
isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!
- 64 -
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Sue Rhee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me
your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Sue Rhee
IT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED !
A Keyboard for us Old,
Retired
Retired Guys4
L'argent n'a pas d'odeur mais quand on n'en a
pas, ça sent la merde.
Quand tu t'adresses à une femme, il faut un
sujet, un verbe et un compliment.
Les femmes qui se vantent d'être courtisées par
beaucoup d'hommes ne devraient pas oublier
que ce sont les produits à bas prix qui attirent le
plus de clients.
La cravate est un accessoire permettant
d'indiquer la direction du cerveau de l’homme.
Les hommes sont comme des arbres : avec l'âge
ils deviennent dur de la feuille et mou de la
branche.
Si un homme ouvre la portière de sa voiture à sa
femme, c'est que l'une des deux est neuve.
Pour les riches : des couilles en or. Pour les
pauvres : des nouilles encore.
Le suppositoire est une invention qui restera
dans les annales.
Un comprimé n'est pas forcément un imbécile
récompensé.
Dites à quelqu'un qu'il y a 300 milliards d'étoiles
dans l'univers et il vous croira. Dites lui que la
peinture n'est pas sèche et il aura besoin de
toucher pour en être sûr.
[Récré] Maximes
Certains jouent aux échecs, d'autres les
collectionnent.
Il ne faut pas avoir peur des chevaux sous le
capot mais de l'âne derrière le volant.
Quand le sage pointe la lune, l'idiot regarde le
doigt.
Ce ne sont pas les enfants sur la banquette
arrière qui font les accidents mais bien les
accidents sur la banquette arrière qui font des
enfants.
Il n'a pas inventé la poudre, mais il n'était pas
loin quand ça a pété.
Il ne faut pas boire au volant, il faut boire à la
bouteille.
C'est parce que la vitesse de la lumière est
supérieure à celle du son que tant de gens
paraissent brillants avant d'avoir l'air con.
4
POUR VIEUX BARBONS IMBIBES DE BOURBON !
Mieux vaut se taire et passer pour un con que
de l'ouvrir et ne laisser aucun doute sur le sujet.
- 65 -
HOW THINGS
HAVE CHANGED
very true indeed
- 66 -
REGIME
La femme en avait marre de toujours tout faire
à la maison
Alors elle et son mari se sont mis d'accord pour
que chacun fasse le repas du soir, à tour de rôle
!
Le jour suivant c'était au tour du mari - et
quand la femme rentre, elle voit son mari tout
nu avec un verre d'eau à la main et il lui dit :
- "Ce soir le menu, c'est amour et eau fraiche
!!!!"
Le jour suivant le mari rentre, renifle
curieusement et crie :
- " Qu'est qu'il y a au menu ce soir, chérie ?? "
La femme vient vers lui – toute nue avec les
cheveux ébouriffés et dit :
" les restes d'hier soir !!!"
SWEET AUNTIE !
Better than a Flu Shot!
Ces 2 images sont déjà affichées dans le
Canard épilé, et sont réaffichées ici
parce que
….
C’est vrai et c’est dans
Le Canard épilé
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her
eighties
And had never been married. She was admired
for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her
and she showed him into her quaint sitting
room.
She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared tea...
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,the
young minister noticed a cut glass bowl Sitting
on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water
floated. of all things,a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones,they
began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity about the bowl of water and its
- 67 -
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him
and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about this?
Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was
walking through the park a few months ago and I
found this little package on the ground.
The directions said : “ To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread
of disease. “
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
C'est là que la dispute a
commencé ...
Ma femme s'est assise sur le sofa près de
moi pendant que je zappais avec la
télécommande..
Elle m'a demandé : Qu'est-ce qu'il y a sur
la télé ?
J'ai répondu : De la poussière.
C'est là que la dispute a commencé.
Ma femme hésitait au sujet de ce qu'elle voulait
pour notre prochain anniversaire.
Elle dit : Je veux quelque chose qui a du
punch et qui passe de 0 à 130 en l'espace
de 3 secondes.
Je lui ai acheté une balance.
C'est là que la dispute a commencé ...
La tondeuse à gazon est tombée en panne,
ma femme n'arrêtait pas de me demander
de la réparer..
Mais, j'avais toujours autre chose à faire :
ma voiture, la pêche, les copains...
Un jour, pour me culpabiliser, je l'ai
trouvée assise sur la pelouse occupée à
couper l'herbe avec des petits ciseaux de
couture.
J'ai alors pris une brosse à dents et je lui
ai dit : Quand tu auras fini de couper la
pelouse, tu pourras balayer l'entrée?
Ma femme se regardait dans un miroir.
Elle n'était pas très contente de ce
qu'elle voyait.
Elle me dit « Je me sens horrible ; j'ai
l'air vieille, grosse et laide. J'ai vraiment
besoin que tu me fasses un compliment
sur ma personne! »
Je lui ai répondu : « Ta vision est
excellente ! »
J'ai amené ma femme au restaurant.
Je commande un steak saignant.
Le serveur me dit : « Vous n'avez pas peur
de la vache folle ? » «Non, elle est
capable de commander elle-même !»
C'est là que la dispute a commencé...
Ma femme et moi étions à une réunion
d'anciens de son école.
Il y avait un homme complètement saoul,
buvant verre après verre.
Je demande à ma femme « Tu le connais?
»
« Oui », dit-elle en soupirant, « Nous
sommes sortis ensemble. Il a commencé à
boire quand nous nous sommes séparés. Il
n'a jamais cessé depuis »
Je lui répondis « Qui aurait pu penser que
l'on pouvait fêter ça si longtemps ?! »
- 68 -
En arrivant à la maison hier soir, ma
femme me demande de la sortir dans un
endroit cher.
Je l'ai amenée à la station-service.
Au supermarché, j'ai demandé à ma femme
si nous pouvions prendre une caisse de
bière à 25euros..
Elle me dit non, et, sans me demander mon
avis, elle se prit un pot de crème
revitalisante pour la peau à 15euros.
Je lui fis remarquer que la caisse de bière
m'aiderait plus à la trouver belle que son
pot de crème.
L'autre jour, j'ai demandé à ma femme où
elle désirait aller pour notre anniversaire.
Elle me répond : "Quelque part où ça fait
longtemps que je ne suis pas allée »
Je lui ai offert d'aller dans la cuisine.
Wedding nights
Man to wife on wedding night, "Are you sure
I'm the first man you are sleeping with?' "Of
course honey, I stayed awake with all the
others!"
Not at all
70 year old man asks his wife "do u feel sad
when u see me running behind young girls?"
Wife replied "No not at all, even dogs chase cars
but they can't drive it."
Why does a retiree
often say he doesn't miss
work, but misses the
people he used to work
with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell
the whole truth.
Question:
Eh oui pour un rien, elles se fâchent....
Allez les comprendre
Wife & Husband
Wife : How have you managed to get home so
early today?
Husband : My boss lost temper with me and
shouted "Go to hell". So I came home.
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can
hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my
dear so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!"
- 69 -
Le coin « Jeux de mots »
Texting
Texting for
Seniors
Teens have theirs, now seniors have their own
texting codes (LOL OMG e.g.).
I thought the following listing was appropriate ...
after all the kids have all their little codes...like
BFF, LOL, etc. So here are some codes for
seniors:
* ATD - At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM - Covered by Medicare
* CUATSC - See You at the Senior
Center
* DWI - Driving While
Incontinent
* FWBB - Friend with Beta
Blockers
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* FYI - Found Your Insulin
* GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker
Battery Low
* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
* LMDO - Laughing My Dentures
Out
* LOL - Living on Lipitor
* LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
* OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the
Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
* TOT - Texting on Toilet
* TTYL - Talk to You Louder
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
* WTP - Where're the Prunes
* WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta
Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
Danh Ngôn cua
Phái Đẹp
Không phải những người ñẹp là người
hạnh phúc
Mà những người hạnh phúc là những
người ñẹp.(K.D)
Sức mạnh và phẩm giá là ñồ trang sức
của phụ nữ.(Unknown)
Khi ñàn ông tụ hợp, họ lắng nghe
nhau.
Khi ñàn bà tụ hợp, họ ngắm nghía
nhau.
Tắt ñèn, ñàn bà nào cũng ñẹp.
(Plutarque)
Ðàn ông giết người bằng gươm
Ðàn bà giết người bằng ánh mắt.
(Carrel)
Vẻ ñẹp tuyệt ñỉnh của người ñàn bà
giết chết cái tình dục của kẻ ñang thèm
muốn nó. (J. P. Sartre)
Sắc ñẹp làm vui mắt, sự dịu hiền thu
- 70 -
hút lòng người. (Voltaire)
Hãy nhìn hai lần ñể thấy cái ñúng; chỉ
cần nhìn một lần ñể thấy cái ñẹp. (F. Amiel)
Người không khát - nhìn thấy người
ñẹp cũng khát.
Người không ñói - nhìn thấy người ñẹp
cũng ñói.
Người muốn chết - nhìn thấy người ñẹp
lại không muốn chết nữa.
Người ñẹp là ước mơ
Treo trước mắt mọi người!
- Trong ñàn bà, tình bạn gần với tình
yêu. [Thomas Moore]
- Gió thay ñổi chiều mỗi ngày, người
ñàn bà thì thay ñổi mỗi giâỵ [tục ngữ Tây
Ban Nha]
- Khí giới của ñàn bà là những giọt
nước mắt. [Shakespeare]
- Đàn bà hoàn toàn thấy rõ rằng họ
càng vâng lời bao nhiêu thì họ càng chỉ huy
bấy nhiêu.[Jules Michelet]
thật. [Krassovsky]
- Khen tặng người ñàn bà khác trước
mặt người yêu là một sự sỉ nhục không thể
tha thứ ñược. [Bà De Stael]
- Một nửa ưu sầu của phụ nữ sẽ không
còn nếu họ có thể dằn lòng ñừng nói những
ñiều mà họ biết là vô ích. Hơn thế nữa,
những ñiều cần giải quyết thì họ lại không
nói ra. [George Eliot]
- Ai có thể cai trị ñược một người ñàn
bà thì người ấy có thể cai trị ñược một
nước. [Honoré De Balzac]
- Khi một người ñàn bà hứa yêu anh,
anh không nên luôn luôn tin họ, nhưng khi
họ bảo không yêu anh. Ấy, anh cũng không
nên tin họ nữạ [Edouard Bourdet]
- Tiền bạc cũng như phụ nữ, muốn giữ
nó thì phải săn sóc nó một chút, bằng
không.... nó ñi tạo hạnh phúc cho kẻ khác.
[Edouart Bourdet]
- Ra ñời trăm trận trăm thắng, về nhà
không thắng nổi người ñàn bà. [Napoleon]
- Khi chúng ta không thu hút ñược
người ñàn bà thì ñừng ñeo ñuổi họ nữa.
Người ñàn bà chỉ bị chinh phục khi người
ñàn ông ñủ sức hấp dẫn họ. Một khi họ thấy
bị ñeo ñuổi, họ sẽ từ khước. [Krassovsky]
- Có hai loại ñàn bà: một loại muốn
chữa những sai lầm của người ñàn ông,
còn loại kia muốn là một lỗi lầm. [Hỵ
Sheridan]
- Đối với người ñàn bà, không ñược
yêu là một tai họa; nhưng không ñược yêu
nữa mới thực là một cái nhục. [Montesquieu]
- Hỡi ôi! Được người ñàn bà yêu thì ai
cũng biết là ñiều thích thú, nhưng dễ sợ
lắm. [Lord Byron]
- Nơi nào có người ñàn bà ñẹp, thì nơi
ñó có người ñàn ông thở dài. [Tục Ngữ
Hung-Ga-Ri]
- Phụ nữ làm cho cách xử thế ở ñời
ñược trau chuốt và khiến cho người ta
chuộng sự lễ ñộ. Họ là thầy dạy chân chính
về mỹ quan và là người khích lệ mọi sự hy
sinh. Hiếm có người ñàn ông nào yêu
thương họ mà lại là người man rợ [Gabriel
Legouvé]
- Người ta có thể quyến rũ người ñàn
bà bằng sự dối trá, nhưng người ta chỉ có
thể chinh phục ñược họ với tấm lòng thành
- 71 -
- Người ñàn bà nào quý trọng ñạo ñức
của tâm hồn mình hơn sự thông minh và
bóng sắc của mình, là hạng người ñứng trên
ñồng loại của mình. Kẻ nào quý trọng bóng
sắc của mình hơn tài ñức của mình, là hạng
ñàn bà tầm thường. Nhưng kẻ nào quý trọng
ñịa vị và giai cấp của mình hơn bóng sắc
của mình, là hạng người ñàn bà ñứng ngoài
lề ñồng loại của họ : họ không phải là người
ñàn bà. [Chamfort]
- Người ñàn bà sẵn sàng tự nhận mình
nói quấy khi họ nói phải, hơn là khi họ nói
quấỵ [Jean Charles]
- Bí quyết hạnh phúc của người ñàn bà
là tự tin cái vui trong bổn phận [Dr. Auton]
- Có một cách khen tặng người ñàn bà
mà họ thích nhất là nói xấu người ñàn bà ñối
thủ của họ. Khen tặng người ñàn bà mà
ñồng thời cũng khen tặng một người ñàn bà
khác, thì sự khen tặng của mình thành vô
giá trị.[Bà De Girardin]
- Không có người ñàn bà nào mà không
thích nghe người khác nói xấu kẻ thù của
mình hơn là nói tốt cho chồng mình. [Bà De
Marie Laure De Noailles]
- Người ñàn bà mà thật thà là lúc họ
thấy không cần thiết phải dùng ñến sự dối
trá vô ích. [Anatole France]
- Mê người ñàn bà thì dễ, yêu người
ñàn bà thì khó. [Marcel Aymé]
- Người ñàn bà ñẹp là thiên ñàng của
cặp mắt, mà là ñịa ngục của tâm hồn. [Pope]
- Cái ñẹp của người ñàn bà không khác
nào những mùi thơm thoảng qua và tan ñi
rất mau chóng, hễ ngửi quen rồi thì không ai
còn ñể ý nữạ [Bà De Lambert]
- Đẹp là ở con mắt người khác ngắm
nhìn [Le Wallace]
- Người ñàn bà ñẹp khó mà sống ñược
an thân, cũng như ngọc quý là mồi của trộm
cướp [Jean Jacques Rousseau]
- Người ñàn bà nói thích giản dị là
người ít giản dị nhất. Người ñàn bà nào nói
ít làm dáng chính là người làm dáng nhất
ñời. Người ñàn bà nào nói ít trang sức lại là
người khéo trang sức hơn ai hết [André
Maurois]
Si les femmes étaient sans fesses, qu'est-ce
que nous ferions de nos mains, pauvres
humains ? " [Raoul Ponchon]
"Les seins et les trains électriques sont faits
pour les enfants, et ce sont les papas qui
jouent avec." [Jean Cazalet]
"Il y a loin de la croupe aux lèvres". [Boris
Vian]
"Elles sont merveilleuses. N'avez-vous pas
remarqué? Quand elles s'assoient sur le
sable, elles dessinent des coeurs avec leurs
petites fesses. Quelle prouesse! [ A propos
des starlettes du Festival de Cannes 1955.
Marcel Pagnol ]
"La beauté pour une femme, c'est d'être
aussi belle de fesses que de face.
[Raymond Queneau ]
C'est curieux, se faire refaire les seins, ça
coûte la peau des fesses. [Vincent Roca]
Le baiser sur les lèvres a été inventé par les
amants pour ne pas dire de bétises. [
- 72 -
Tristan Bernard]
a visé trop haut. [Michel Galabru]
Dieu a donné à la femme deux seins parce
qu'il a donné à l'homme deux mains. [Léo
Campion]
L'estomac a deux utilisations. Il contient
votre dîner et, ce qui n'est pas le moins
important, sert à retenir votre pantalon.
[ Mémoires d'un amant lamentable,
Groucho Marx]
Des imprudentes ont même envoyé paître
leur soutien-gorge, en oubliant que les
seins aussi obéissent à la pesanteur. [Paul
Guth]
Le pastis, c'est comme les seins. Un c'est
pas assez et trois c'est trop. [Fernandel]
Pour rester belle. Si vous avez les seins qui
tombent, faîtes-vous refaire le nez, ça
détourne l'attention. [Pierre Desproges]
Autrefois les seins d'une femme servaient à
nourrir les enfants, aujourd'hui ils servent
à nourrir les cinéastes. [ Jules Romains ]
Seins, fins régals des mains qu'ils gorgent
de délices.
Seins lourds, puissants, un brin fiers et
moqueurs,
Dandinés, balancés, et, se sentant forts
et vainqueurs,
Vers
nos
prosternements
comme
regardant en coulisse.
[ Paul Verlaine ]
Pourquoi l'homme penche-t-il la tête
quand il réfléchit ? Pour que ses deux
neurones entrent en contact. [ ? ]
Le véritable chemin pour toucher le cœur
d'un homme passe par son estomac.
[Proverbes chinois]
Si une femme dit que la route qui mène au
cœur d'un homme passe par l'estomac, elle
L'épouse est une maîtresse pour l'homme
jeune, une compagne pour l'âge mûr, une
infirmière pour la vieillesse ; l'homme a
donc, à tout âge, un prétexte pour se
marier" (Francis Bacon).
"Pour faire un bon mariage, il faut que le
mari soit sourd et la femme aveugle"
(Richard Taverner).
"Il vaut mieux encore être marié qu'être
mort" (Molière)
Les hommes se marient par lassitude, les
femmes par curiosité... Les deux sont
déçus. (Oscar Wilde)
Les gamines de moins de 40 ans
vont être vertes de jalousie...
COMMENTAIRES D'UN
HOMME BRILLANT
(Andy Rooney, correspondant de 60 Minutes
sur CBS)
Au cas ou vous auriez manqué l'émission 60
Minutes, voici ce qu'Andy Rooney pense des
femmes de plus de 40 ans :
En vieillissant, j'estime les femmes de 40 et
plus. Voici pourquoi :
Une femme de plus de 40 ans ne vous réveille
jamais au milieu de la nuit pour vous demander
: ' À quoi tu penses ? ' Elle ne s'en préoccupe
- 73 -
plus.
Si une femme de plus de 40 ans ne veut pas
regarder le match à la télé, elle ne s'assoit pas
près de toi pour pleurnicher. Elle fait quelque
chose qu'elle veut faire et de plus intéressant.
Les femmes de plus de 40 ans sont pleines de
dignité. Elles complimentent souvent les autres
car elles savent ce que c'est que de ne pas être
apprécié.
Les femmes deviennent psychologues en
vieillissant. Vous n'avez jamais à vous confesser
de vos péchés à une femme de plus de 40 ans.
Après une ride ou deux, une femme de plus de
40 ans est beaucoup plus sexy que sa collègue
plus jeune.
Les femmes plus âgées sont franches et
honnêtes. Elles vous diront immédiatement que
vous êtes stupide si vous agissez comme tel.
Vous n'avez même pas à vous demander où vous
en êtes avec elles .
Pour toutes les femmes formidables,
débrouillardes, bien coiffées et séduisantes de
plus de 40 ans; il y a un chauve, mal rasé,
bedonnant et en pantalon jaune, qui se ridiculise
avec une serveuse de 22 ans.
Mesdames, en leur nom,je vous présente des
excuses.
Pour tous ces hommes qui disent, ' Pourquoi
acheter la vache quand vous pouvez avoir le lait
gratuit ?', voici une mise à jour:
De nos jours, 80% des femmes sont contre le
mariage.
Pourquoi ? Parce que les femmes se rendent
compte que ça ne vaut pas la peine d'acheter un
cochon entier juste pour avoir une petite
saucisse !
Have a good Laugh !
Every Wife is a " Mistress " for her Husband.
" Miss " for one hour & " Stress " for the rest 23
hours!
The are 2 times when a Man doesn't
understand a Woman. Before Marriage and
After Marriage.
My Husband and I divorced over Religious
Differences. He thought he was God, and I
didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In
& Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After
Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and
wild, but When They Go, They Take Your House
And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can
Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For
The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, " Maybe, But You Will Have To
Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put
The Curse On You. "
" The Man Says Without Hesitation, " I Now
Pronounce You Man And Wife. "
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How
to Tackle Wife ? Google Search Result, " Still
Searching "
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, " Doctor, My
Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She
Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact,
She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her ! I'm
Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do? "
" Relax, " Says The Doctor, " Take A Deep Breath
And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is
Larry's Bar ? "
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo
and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target...
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband :
“ Honey What Are You Doing...
Husband : " MISSING YOU "...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. " Rabbi,
- 74 -
Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To
Talk To You About It.
The Rabbi Asked, " What's Wrong ? "
The Man Replied, " My Wife Is Poisoning Me. "
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, " How
Can That Be ? "
The man then pleads, " I'm telling you, I'm
certain she's poisoning me, what I should do ? "
The Rabbi Then Offers, " Tell You What. Let Me
Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll
Let You Know. "
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, " Well, I
Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My
Advice ? "
The Man Said " Yes "
The Rabbi Replied, " Take the poison "
:
Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between
COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you
marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And
when you marry the wrong one, you are
FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you
with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY
FINISHED !
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones
They like to be held,talked to and touched often.
But push the wrong button and you're
disconnected......
Romantic SMS
She sends the following message:
My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied : I'm in the toilet. What do I send ?
Warm Regards
24 Lý do để lấy
chồng già
1. Chồng già nhìn rất giống ông già. Do
đó mình sẽ không bị mang tiếng là bỏ nhà
theo... trai.
2. Người già quen nhiều nên đông khách.
Khách tới nhà nếu mình ra mở cửa hay hỏi: “Bố
cháu có nhà không?” khiến ta có cảm giác lâng
lâng rất sung sướng.
3. Chồng già luôn đi chậm, nên nếu chở
vợ bằng xe máy, tai nạn giao thông rất ít xảy ra.
Nếu có xảy ra, cảnh sát thường nghĩ lẽ phải về
chồng mình.
4. Chồng già mắt kém, nên nếu ta có đi
với bồ, chồng nhìn thấy thì vợ sẽ cãi: “Anh nhìn
nhầm rồi” và chồng già vội vã tin ngay.
5. Chồng già răng yếu nên nhai lâu. Nhai
lâu nên ăn chậm. Ta lợi dụng ra luật lệ: “Ai ăn
sau phải rửa chén nha,” thế là ta thoát.
6. Chồng già hay ho. Khi nghe tiếng ho, ta
biết mùa đông đã về, khỏi phải xem dự báo
thời tiết.
7. Chồng trẻ nhìn thấy một cô gái trẻ
thường hỏi: “Em nào đấy?.” Còn chồng già nhìn
thấy gái trẻ thường hỏi: “Con nhà ai đấy?”
khiến ta rất yên tâm.
8. Chồng trẻ đi đường hay để vợ nắm
tay mình. Còn chồng già lại nắm tay vợ.
9. Chồng già hay bàn tới tương lai. Còn
chồng trẻ thường bảo: “Không biết tương lai ra
sao?”
10. Chồng trẻ hay nhìn vợ rồi thở dài.
Còn chồng già hay nhìn bản thân mình rồi thở
dài.
11. Chồng già hay hỏi thăm ba má vợ.
Còn chồng trẻ hay hỏi về bạn bè vợ, nhất là
bạn gái.
- 75 -
12. Khi cãi nhau, chồng trẻ gào lên: “Tôi
lấy cô là một sai lầm.” Trong khi chồng già nói:
“Tôi biết sai lầm nhưng vẫn lấy em.”
13. Khi ra tòa ly dị, chồng trẻ nói:
“Chúng tôi không hợp nhau,” còn chồng già
nói: “Chúng tôi cũng chả biết không hợp ở chỗ
nào.”
14. Khi vợ có bồ, chồng trẻ nói: “Cô làm
cho tôi ngạc nhiên,” còn chồng già nói: “Em
làm cho anh tan nát.”
15. Cứ tới cuối tuần, chồng trẻ nói:
“Mình đi chơi,” còn chồng già nói: “Mình đi
nghỉ.”
16. Khi đang ăn bị hóc xương, chồng trẻ
càu nhàu: “Bỏ cái gì vào mồm cũng phải nhìn
chứ,” còn chồng già nói: “Sao em không đưa
miếng đó cho anh?.”
17. Gặp một cô gái bốc lửa mặc áo tắm,
chồng trẻ nhìn cô ta, còn chồng già nhìn sang
vợ.
18. Khi mua đồ tặng vợ, chồng trẻ nhìn
túi tiền, còn chồng già nhìn xem đứa khác đã
mua chưa.
19. Khi đi xa, chồng trẻ gọi điện thoại về
hỏi: “Nhà có chuyện gì không?” còn chồng già
hỏi: “Em có chuyện gì không?”
20. Khi nhà hàng xóm nhảy nhót điên
cuồng, chồng trẻ mở cửa ra nhìn, nói: “Vui
nhỉ,” còn chồng già đóng cửa lại, lẩm bẩm:
“Chúng nó làm gì mà ầm ĩ thế?”
21. Chồng trẻ hay tiếc những đồng tiền
đã tiêu, còn chồng già hay tiếc những đồng
tiền không tiêu.
22. Chồng trẻ khi đi tắm hay sai: “Em lấy
cho anh cái khăn,” còn chồng già luôn kiểm tra
có khăn rồi mới chui vô phòng tắm.
23. Chồng trẻ hay nói: “Vui chung,” còn
chồng già tuyên bố: “Em vui là anh vui.”
24. Chồng trẻ hay nhăn nhó: “Tôi mệt
quá,” còn chồng già hô: “Anh chả bao giờ mệt
cả.”
Confucius
says5 ...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in
Front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind
Car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one
Chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many
Pour plus d’enseignements du Maitre voir /
more teachings by the Master at :
le Canard épilé n°5 – 27-2-2009, page 27
5
Canard épilé n°15 – 14-2-2010, page 1
le Canard épilé n°35 – 1-9-2011, page 16
le
- 76 -
Prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong ...
Man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right,
War determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse
Soon find him in cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with
Wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib,
But one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell
Bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change
clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch
crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator
Smell different to midget.
The men's group decided that 'computer'
should definitely be of the feminine gender
('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their
internal logic;
2 The native language they use to
communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in
long term memory for possible later
retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to
one, you find yourself spending half your
paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded
that computers should be Masculine ('el
computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you
have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think
for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve
problems, but half the time they ARE the
problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you
realize that if you had waited a little longer,
you could have got a better model.
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns
are designated as either masculine or
feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is
'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher
split the class into two groups, male and
female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether computer' should be a
masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons
for its recommendation.
- 77 -
Le coin du savoir
The 30 Greatest
Battles of World War II
Subject:
Battles are ranked by a combination of
Importance in the outcome of World War II,
Amount of Men and Materials committed to the
Battle, Intensity of Fighting and Casualties and
Losses incurred in Men and Materials.
1.) Battle of Kursk – July 5, 1943 to July 13, 1943
– Germany launches its 3rd Summer Offensive
against the Russians and its last. The largest Tank
Battle ever fought in History. German aim to
capture 66 Soviet Divisions fails as the Battle
becomes a battle of attrition. Germany accepts a
tactical draw and withdraws. Germany lost
100,000 killed/wounded/captured and Soviet
Union lost 250,000 killed and 600,000 wounded
and the destruction of 50% of their tanks.
2.) Battle of Prussia – June 22, 1944 to August
16, 1944 – Soviet Union launches the greatest
offensive in human history. Its aim is to destroy
100 German Divisions guarding Prussia and
Poland. Hitler does not give the order for the
Massive German Army Center to withdraw and
the Army is totally destroyed. Germany lost
800,000 killed/wounded/captured and Soviet
Union lost 1,300,000 killed and wounded. This
was the greatest disaster to befall on the
German Army in World War II.
3.) Battle of Stalingrad – August 23, 1942 to
February 2, 1943 –The Bloodiest battle ever
fought in history and the greatest urban battle
ever fought. The biggest defeat on the German
Army since the war began. Germany lost 300,000
killed/wounded/captured and Soviet Union lost
1,200,000 killed.
4.) Battle of Vistula – January 12, 1945 to March
30, 1945 – The Soviets launch the Biggest
offensive of World War II even bigger than their
Summer offensive 6 months ago. The German
Army guarding the Vistula River is totally
destroyed and a massive German army retreats
to the final defenses around Berlin. Germany
lost 500,000 killed/wounded/captured and
Soviet Union lost 600,000 killed and wounded.
5.) Battle of Berlin – April 16, 1945 to May 7,
1945 – The 2nd most fierce urban warfare
battle. Germany lost 200,000 killed and over
200,000 civilians killed and Soviet Union lost
600,000 men killed and wounded.
6.) Battle of Normandy – June 6, 1944 to July 24,
1944 – The Invasion of Western Europe by the
Allied forces. Germany lost 216,000 men
killed/wounded/captured and Allies lost
209,000 killed/wounded/captured.
7.) Battle of Moscow – November 17, 1941 to
January 28, 1942 – The German attack to
capture the city fails due to Soviet counter
offensives and severe winter storms which
paralyzes the German Army. Germany lost
200,000 men killed/wounded/captured and
Soviet
Union
lost
700,000
killed/wounded/captured.
8.) Battle of Ardennes – December 16, 1944 to
January 28, 1945 – The last great German
offensive in World War II. Germany lost 100,000
killed
and
USA
lost
81,000
killed/wounded/captured and 1,400 British
losses.
9.) Battle of Atlantic – September 1, 1939 to
June 6, 1944 – The longest Battle of World War
II in which German Submarines tried to sink
- 78 -
supply ships going to England and Soviet Union.
The Battle peaked in 1942 but slowly German
Submarines were subdued. Germany lost 50,000
Naval Officers and Allies lost 50,000 Merchant
and Sailors.
10.) Battle of Britain – July 10, 1940 to October
31, 1940 – The largest Air Battle in History.
Germany aim to crush the RAF before Invasion of
England fails. Germany loses 3,000 Pilots and
England loses 1,800 Pilots as well as 20,000
British Civilians are killed.
11.) Battle of France – May 10, 1940 to June 22,
1940 – The German invasion of France through
Belgium and Holland completely catches the
French Army off guard. The ill-prepared British
and Belgium army are totally defeated by the
German Armored Divisions. The British Army
evacuates from Dunkirk leaving the French to
fend for themselves. The Bulk of the French
Army is deployed on the German border and is
unable to move to counter the German Army
coming through the Belgium border. France
loses 350,000 Men killed and wounded, England
loses 100,000 men killed/wounded/captured
with 40,000 prisoners taken at Dunkirk and
Germany loses 100,000 men killed and
wounded.
12.) Battle of Midway – June 4, 1942 to June 7,
1942 – The Greatest Air Craft Carrier Battle in
History. Japanese attempt to threaten Hawaii by
invading the island of Midway ends in total
disaster. They lose 4 Air Craft Carriers and USA
loses 1. Japan lost 3,500 Sailors and USA loses
500. This was Japan’s final offensive in the Pacific
War and after this it’s Navy will only be used in
Defensive operations.
13.) Battle of Leyte Gulf – October 22, 1944 to
October 25, 1944 – The Largest Naval Battle in
History. Japan’s attempt to destroy US transport
ships carrying troops and supplies to the
Philippines ends in total destruction of the
Japanese Navy. Japan loses over 10,000 Sailors
and USA around 2,000 half of them dying on the
American Air Craft Carrier St. Lo, from a
Kamikaze Attack.
14.) Battle of Imphal – March 6, 1944 to June
22, 1944 – Japan’s attempt to Invade India ends
in its greatest Land defeat. The Best Army
troops in the Japanese Army with a force of
120,000 men tried to break through at the
Indian city of Imphal. British and Indian troops
fought the most intense Urban Battle in the war
against Japan on par with Stalingrad and Berlin.
In the end, 30,000 British and Indian soldiers are
killed and wounded and 80,000 Japanese troops
die.
15.) Battle of Okinawa – April 1, 1945 to June
16, 1945 – The Last Battle of World War II and
the bloodiest battle in the Pacific War. USA
attempt to use Okinawa as a stepping stone for
the Invasion of Japan. Japan lost 120,000
soldiers defending the Island and 100,000
Japanese civilians also die. USA had 58,000
Casualties.
16.) Battle of Chang-te – November 2, 1943 to
November 17, 1943 – The Bloodiest Battle
between the Japanese and Chinese in World
War II. The battle was to determine who
controlled the Chinese Rice Bowl in the Hunan
Province. China lost over 300,000 Soldiers and
100,000 Civilians died. Japan lost 60,000
Soldiers. Despite these heavy losses, China
continued to fight as the over extended
Japanese slowly began to retreat.
17.) Battle of Kirovograd – January 5, 1944 to
January 17, 1945 – The Soviet Winter offensive
after the Battle of Kursk the previous summer.
The German defeat in this battle caused the
- 79 -
Soviets to re-take the Ukraine and the Crimean
peninsula.
Germany
lost
100,000
400,000 killed and wounded.
18.) Battle of Poland – September 1, 1939 to
September 29, 1939 – The ill-equipped Polish
Army was no match for the German and Russian
invasion forces. Poland was portioned between
the Germans and Russians. Germany lost 10,000
troops with 3,000 being killed and Poland lost
100,000 Soldiers killed and wounded.
19.) Battle of Burma – March 19, 1945 to May 1,
1945 – The Japanese defeat at the Battle of
Burma ended the Japanese threat to India and
paved the way for the allies to supply China
through Burma. This was the last Battle that the
British Army was involved in World War II. Japan
lost 40,000 Soldiers and Allied forces lost 6,000
men.
20.) Battle of Philippines – October 20, 1944 to
March 3, 1945 – The battle ended after the fall
of Manila in very Heavy Street fighting
reminiscent of Warsaw. Japan lost nearly
150,000 Soldiers and killed 200,000 Pilipino
civilians and 100,000 in Manila alone. USA had
30,000 casualties in the Invasion and conquest of
the Philippines.
21.) Battle of Guadalcanal – August 7, 1942 to
March 6, 1943 – One of the largest Naval,
Marine, and Army engagements in the Pacific
War. This was one of the longest Battle in the
Pacific War. Japanese defeat at Guadalcanal
ended the Japanese dominance in the South
Pacific.
Japan
lost
70,000
Men
killed/wounded/captured and the Americans
suffered 30,000 Casualties with 10,000 being
killed.
25, 1944 – Allied attempt to the end stalemate
in Italy fails in Battle of Anzio. The American
forces are trapped for 4 months in this pocket
until troops break through the German defenses
in Italy and link up with Anzio. Anzio was
perhaps the biggest Allied blunder in World War
II.
Germany
lost
100,000
killed/wounded/captured. The Allies lost
135,000 killed/wounded/captured.
23.) Battle of El Alamein – October 23, 1942 to
November 3, 1942 – The defeat of the German
Army in Egypt signaled the end of Axis Empire in
North Africa. Germany and Italy lost 60,000
Troops with 30,000 being taken prisoner. The
British Empire lost 25,000 Men being killed or
wounded.
24.) Battle of Tunisia – February 14, 1943 to
May 12, 1943 – The cornered German and
Italian Forces in Tunisia launch a final attack
against the Americans at Kasserine Pass which
defeated the US forces. The Americans soon
recovered and began a gradual retreat of
German forces back to the Sea. The Allied forces
had 45,000 Casualties in their conquest of
Tunisia with 10,000 killed. Germany and Italy
lost 300,000 Troops with 275,000 being taken
prisoner and 25,000 being killed and injured.
25.) Battle of Seelow Heights – April 10, 1945 to
April 15, 1945 – The last German defense before
Berlin.
Germany
lost
80,000
200,000 killed and wounded.
26.) Battle of Iwo Jima – February 19, 1945 to
March 25, 1945 – The most intense and bloody
and compact battle in the Pacific War. With
over 100,000 US Soldiers fighting 25,000
Japanese on a small Island. In the end, USA had
30,000 Casualties and Japan had 20,000.
22.) Battle of Anzio – January 23, 1944 to May
- 80 -
27.) Battle of Manchuria – August 8, 1945 to
August 16, 1945 – The Soviet Union after
defeating Germany declares war on Japan and
launches a massive attack on the Japanese
Troops in the Chinese province of Manchuria.
Russians suffer 5,000 casualties and 300,000
Japanese troops taken prisoner.
28.) Battle of Singapore – February 10, 1942 to
February 15, 1942 – The Biggest defeat in British
Military History. Singapore an impenetrable
fortress falls in 5 days. Japan lost 5,000 men
taking the City but 25,000 British and
Commonwealth Troops surrender. This signaled
the beginning of the end of the British Empire.
29.) Battle of Warsaw – August 1, 1944 to
October 2, 1944 – The uprising of the Polish
Home Army against the Germans. The Germans
brutally crush the uprising as the Russian Army
standing outside the gates of Warsaw looked on.
50,000 Poles lost their lives and 3,000 German
Soldiers died.
30.) Battle of Saipan – June 15, 1944 to July 9,
1944 – One of the fiercest Island Battles in the
War in the Pacific. This was the last line of
Defense for the Japanese before the Philippines
and Japan it self. Japan lost 30,000 Soldiers and
10,000 Civilians and USA had 15,000 Casualties
with 4,000 Dead.
- 81 -
Le coin du savoir (-vivre)
Soup: Why do we eat
it when we're ill?
8 January 2012
Advances in medical science come and
nutritional fads go, but we keep on eating soup
to get better when we're ill. It's been the same
for centuries and new research suggests why.
On the sofa or tucked up in bed feeling ill?
Chances are you're tucking into some hot soup
to help you feel better. It's what your
grandparents would have done, their
grandparents and generations before that.
Convalescent cookery has remained "remarkably
constant" for centuries, according to new
research published by Ken Albala, a food
historian at the University of the Pacific in
California. This is despite huge changes in the
way we eat and major shifts in nutritional theory
and medicine.
As far back as the 12th Century, physicians were
recommending chicken soup - known as "Jewish
penicillin" - to combat a cold. Modern science
has since found their instincts were largely right
and it can be soothing and anti-inflammatory for
those with colds.
It was still the same in 16th Century, when
common wisdom was to give "nourishing,
restorative, light and easily digested food" to the
sick. Soups, broths and bread-based gruels were
recommended.
The nutritional benefits are obvious. A healthy
soup provides an easy way to digest the
nutrients we need, especially when we're ill.
But Albala's latest research suggests soup's
appeal could actually be down to an "informal
intuition" people have always had when it comes
to feeding the sick. And rather than being based
on science, it is more likely to be influenced by
baby food.
"Even today... most people would intuitively
think of ideal food for convalescents in much
the same terms as people five centuries ago,"
he says.
Good soup ingredients
Tomatoes - rich in lycopene, an antioxidant
Broccoli - contain vitamin C, an antioxidant
Ginger - an anti-inflammatory
Carrots - contain beta-carotene, an antioxidant
"It seems that rather than foods scientifically
determined to help recovery, these are mostly
comfort foods... they stem from long custom
rather than any empirically verifiable nutritional
facts."
Soup's close appearance to baby food is a big
reason why we eat it when ill, he suggests. Both
are nutritious without being hard to digest, and
the way both are prepared means they are
"predigested" before being served.
"The idea of what convalescents should eat, it's
analogous to baby food - nutritious without
giving off any digestive 'heat'," he says.
"Logically it makes sense. It's definitely a matter
of comfort and going back to basics."
Booming industry
The psychological links people have with food
do stem from childhood, says food psychologist
Christy Fergusson.
"That is a connection we make on a
subconscious level as we grow up, so when we
- 82 -
want to feel comforted we look to what our
mothers would have provided.
The power of chicken
soup
Also known as "Jewish penicillin", the 12th
Century physician Maimonides recommended
eating chicken soup to combat a cold
A US study found chicken soup could help those
with colds as it has anti-inflammatory properties
that stem the flow of mucus
Protein from chicken and antioxidants from
vegetables also help the body make virus-killing
antibodies
"Over time we build up food associations and
there's also a sense of connection with our
homes - we like to think of them as warm and
cosy. There's a definite tie there to our
appreciation of warm and comforting food."
What Albala also found striking in his research is
that ancient recipes for soup and broths remain
very similar to those in modern cookbooks, with
ingredients and techniques handed down
through generations.
Diana Henry, a chef and food writer, agrees not
many recipes are still handed down this way, but
soup is one of them. She also believes there are
emotional reasons for this.
"You take soup to people when they're having
tough times, there's something about it that
means you give it to people in times of trouble. I
think that's because it takes an enormous
amount of care."
Variations of chicken soup, perhaps the most
venerated soup in modern folklore, feature in a
number of historic culinary books.
Alessandro Petronio's De victu Romanorum,
written for Pope Gregory XIII and published
some time after 1572, has a recipe for ptisan - a
barley broth that can include chicken. Francesco
Gaudentio, a chef for Jesuit priests in the 1670s,
offered a chicken concoction cooked in a small
amount of water.
In a 1758 Portuguese book, Domingo
Rodgrigues recorded a restorative soup with
chicken and partridge, and in 1750, John
Huxham's An Essay on Fevers recommended a
"thin chicken broth". Chicken is also a key
ingredient in the broths and bouillons of Helena
V Sachse's recipes in How to Cook for the Sick
and Convalescent, published in 1901.
Chilled market
Soup covers all bases - the psychological,
physiological and nutritional, says Azmina
Govindji, a dietician and spokeswoman for the
British Dietetic Association.
"When you're feeling very sorry for yourself,
psychologically you need to be comforted. On
the nutritional side, it does make you feel better
if you have fluid through soup. Physiologically,
it's a vehicle to get essential nutrients from
vegetables, as people struggle with getting fivea-day and you can have three of your five in one
bowl."
Our love of soup extends beyond eating it when
we are poorly. The soup market is booming in
the UK. In 2011 it was worth £588m, according
to market research company Nielsen, a £30m
increase on 2010.
While home-made soups are held up as being
the most nutritious (if low in fat and without
cream), the game-changer for ready-made
soups came in 1987 when the New Covent
Garden company introduced its first chilled
soup. Up until then, options were limited to
canned and dry mixes.
- 83 -
Now supermarkets have their own brands and
soup is a staple in coffee and sandwich chains.
Pret a Manger says it sells more than 2.1 million
portions of soup annually, and demand keeps
growing.
"The chilled soup market has been a revolution
and they are competing in terms of price,
accessibility, taste and availability," says Ms
Govindji. "It's the convenience and the fact that
they are so tasty."
So while we might not make soup from scratch
so much any more, it's remains a firm favourite for so many reasons.
On the frankincense
trail
Burning fragrant substances such as sweet gums
and spices is common to many religious
traditions and cultures today.
However, in ancient times, their use was even
more widespread.
The fragrance was thought to please the gods
and drive off evil spirits and the smoke was
believed to carry prayers to divine ears.
The earliest archaeological evidence for incense
comes from ancient Egypt, where long-handled,
spoon-shaped incense burners, dating back
thousands of years have been discovered.
But despite its widespread use and mention in
written records such as the Old Testament,
archaeologists know remarkably little about the
type of incense that was used in historical
times.
Now scientists have a way telling its story.
A team of chemists and archaeologists carefully
sieved ash from the remains of a cellar in a
house built around 400 AD in Qasr Ibrim, Egypt.
They discovered pea-sized fragments of
material which all looked alike.
However, in the first chemical analysis of its
type, some fragments were identified as having
come from pine trees and other fragments were
of the fresh, aromatic gum resin called
frankincense.
The Boswellia trees, as they are known and
from which frankincense comes, don't actually
grow in Egypt.
So frankincense was traded across the desert by
camel from southern Arabia or more probably,
northern Somalia.
Frankincense
tree
facing uncertain future
Frankincense - a traditional staple of the
Christmas story - faces an uncertain future,
according to researchers.
Ecologists have warned that the production of
the fragrant resin could decline by half over the
next 15 years.
The festive fragrance is produced by tapping the
gum of trees in the Boswellia genus.
The findings, based on a study carried out in
Ethiopia, have been published in the Journal of
Applied Ecology.
It is used extensively in religious rituals and in
the perfume industry. It has also been
investigated for its medicinal properties.
"There are several reasons why [the tree
species Boswellia papyifera] it is under threat,"
explained co-author Frans Bongers, an ecologist
at Wageningen University in the Netherlands.
- 84 -
"The forests that remain are declining because
the old individuals are dying continuously, and
there there no new individuals coming into the
system. That means that the forests are running
out of trees."
"In places like Oman and Yemen, it is being cut
down systematically. Now, in Ethiopia, it is being
cut down as land is being turned over to
agriculture."
The small trees, which generally reach a height
of no more than 5m (16ft), grow in steep, rocky
habitats, providing cover for other plant species.
Each year, up to about 3kg of resin can be
tapped from an individual tree. After about five
years of tapping, management techniques
suggest that the tree should be rested for a
similar period in order to maximise future yields.
The genus Boswellia, overall, is generally
classified as Vulnerable as a result of habitat
fragmentation and poor levels of rejuvenation,
explained Prof Bongers.
"If the tree germinates, then there is a small
plant coming out of the ground, but then in the
next dry season it goes down again because it is
too dry,"
"Then in the wet season it comes up again. Yet
in the next dry season it goes down again. That
happens for a number of years, and we don't
know how many years this happens - we know
that it is at least six years.
"But it may be 10 years and we do not know
what triggers what makes it come up above
ground forever - maybe it is some sort of
reserve, some sort of starch in the soil or root
system.
"We are measuring this but we do not have real
data, so it is complicated to manage the
seedlings."
Prof Bongers added that the encroachment of
more opportunistic tree species was also
affecting the long-term survival of the
frankincense forests.
"In the landscape, this tree has been the
dominant species. That is why we can call it a
frankincense forest, just like we can refer to
beech woodlands in the UK," he said.
"In these woodlands, 80% of the individuals are
frankincense trees. Yet some areas at the verges
of the distribution of the species, there are
other species coming in.
"What we are seeing at the verges of the
populations we are following is that that the
frankincense trees are phasing out and other
species are coming in.
"All the young individuals in the forests are from
other species, such as Acacia. We just see the
forests running out of frankincense - other
species are taking over."
The study examined 13 two-hectare plots,
which involve monitoring more than 6,000 trees
and
collecting
more
than
20,000
measurements.
Using this data, the team modelled the fate of
the species, and found the current levels of
frankincense production is set to halve in the
next 15 years.
"Current management of Boswellia populations
is clearly unsustainable," Prof Bongers warned.
- 85 -
"Our models show that within 50 years,
populations of Boswellia will be decimated, and
the declining populations mean frankincense
production is doomed. This is a rather alarming
message for the incense industry and
conservation organisations."
He added that tapping the trees for the valued
resin was unlikely to be the main cause of the
decline. Instead, there were a number of other
things affecting the long-term future of the
trees.
"Frankincense extraction is unlikely to be the
main cause of population decline, which is likely
to be caused by burning, grazing and attack by
the long-horn beetle, which lays its eggs under
the bark of the tree.
In the areas they studied, the team found that
older trees in the population were not being
replaced because few Boswellia seedlings
survived to become saplings.
"The number of fires and intensity of grazing in
our study area has increased over recent
decades as a result of a large increase in the
number of cattle, and this could be why
seedlings fail to grow into saplings. At the same
time, a large proportion of trees we studied died
after being attacked by the long-horn beetle,"
Prof Bongers observed.
In order to ensure future rejuvenation, he
suggested that areas should be set aside for up
to a decade so young Boswellia trees could
become established.
Foam Storm is Snow
Joke for residents of
Cleveleys
Lũ bọt biển siêu bí ẩn
Sat, 31 Dec 2011
Các trận lũ lụt thông thường xảy ra trên thế
giới không còn là một điều quá kỳ lạ. Nhưng
mới đây, một trận lũ… bọt biển chưa từng có
đã xảy ra ở Cleveleys, Blackpool, Anh. Nhiều
đường phố đã bị ngập trong bọt bẩn khiến
người dân vô cùng hoang mang.
Những trận lũ bọt đã đột ngột xuất hiện sau khi
bị gió thổi vào khu vực gần biển. Trận lũ kỳ lạ
này khiến đường phố bị bao phủ bởi bọt bẩn
- 86 -
và giao thông trở nên ách tắc nghiêm trọng.
Người dân tại Blackpool hiện đang rất lo lắng vì
họ cho rằng, nguyên nhân của hiện tượng này là
do các chất tẩy rửa gây ô nhiễm trên biển.
Trận lũ bọt này khiến cuộc sống người dân ảnh
hưởng nghiêm trọng. Họ phải hạn chế ra ngoài
trong những ngày này. Ông Gorden Stanley, một
người dân địa phương chia sẻ: Những đợt lũ
bọt chứa chất bẩn và dầu nhờn như này khiến
quần áo, nhà cửa và đường phố của chúng tôi
trông thật khủng khiếp. Bình thườngnó hiếm khi
xảy ra nhưng hiện tượng này đã xuất hiện ba
lần trong năm nay
Các chuyên gia về môi trường vẫn chưa đưa ra
kết luận chính thức về nguyên nhân của hiện
tượng kỳ lạ này. Một phát ngôn viên của Cơ
quan Môi trường cho biết: "Chúng tôi đã tiến
hành phân tích mẫu bọt biển, cần phải biết nó
có phải là hậu quả của một loại chất tẩy rửa
hay chất thải độc hại nào đó hay không."Sau
khi kiểm tra những mẫu bọt ban đầu, người ta
không hề thấy có dấu hiệu nào của chất tẩy
rửa độc hại. Các nhà khoa học cho biết, có thể
nguyên nhân ra hiện tượng này là do những
phân tử tảo bị sóng đánh tan và thủy triều đưa
chúng dồn lại các khu vực ven biển.
Strong westerly winds have churned up a foamy
storm and is causing havoc or residents of
Cleveleys, a popular Lancashire tourist spot near
Blackpool.
90mph winds blew foam up to 3 feet deep in
places – but the foam is far from fun, as it’s oily
and stains cloths and even cars!
It looks like a carwash gone out of control – and
the truth really has got locals in a lather.
The oily bubbles were blown ashore after
90mph winds battered the resort of Cleveleys,
near Blackpool.
In places the freak foam was almost 3ft deep,
trapping residents in their homes and stranding
drivers.
Resident Gorden Stanley said: “The situation
with the foam is horrendous, normally it
happens once every few years but it has been
like this three times this year.
“It is oil based so it is terrible for your car and
stains your clothes and windows, people don’t
like to go out of the house in it.
- 87 -
Last night the Environment Agency was probing
the foam to check for polluting material. A
spokesman said: “We have taken samples of the
foam as obviously if this is caused by any kind of
polluting material, we need to know about it.
“Early samples are not showing any trace of
detergent so we think it could be the
combination of decomposing algal matter
churned with the tide and the westerly wind
which is causing the foam.
- 88 -
Le coin des peintures
Pierreierre-Auguste
Reno
enoir
- 89 -
- 90 -
- 91 -
- 92 -
biographe du peintre), attablés autour de la
traditionnelle grenadine.
C’est la première fois que Renoir peint une
scène de bal d’une composition aussi élaborée,
avec des figures en mouvement et des jeux de
lumières complexes. Les zones d’ombre et de
lumière alternent sur les visages et les
vêtements des personnages selon la position du
soleil.
Le peintre a très exactement rendu l’ensemble
tapageur et légèrement débraillé de cette
guinguette de Montmartre.
« Le Pont-neuf »à Paris - 1872 - fut croqué
depuis la rive droite de la Seine. De nombreux
promeneurs flânent sur les quais et sur le pont.
Sur la droite, on distingue un de ces
établissements de bains qui étaient nombreux
sur la Seine à cette époque. A l’arrière-plan, la
statue d’Henri IV se profile indistinctement
contre une rangée d’édifices grisâtres. Sur la
gauche, des immeubles traités avec force détails,
se détachent contre un ciel clair aux nuages
cotonneux.
« Le bal du Moulin de la Galette » - 1870 célèbre un monde plein de charme et de joie de
vivre, aujourd’hui révolu, celui des bals
populaires. Sur cette toile on reconnaît des amis
de Renoir, notamment, les peintres Franc-Lamy,
Norbert Goeneutte ainsi que Rivière (le
« Le Pont du chemin de fer » - 1881 - fut
peint à Chatou qui était avec Argenteuil un des
lieux qu’affectionnaient les impressionnistes.
C’est un champ d’expérimentation picturale
sans égal, car il saisit les mille frémissements de
la nature au bord de la Seine avec un plaisir
toujours renouvelé. Ce tableau, est du reste, un
de ses paysages les plus exubérants de
l’époque. Les marronniers roses en fleurs se
détachent sur des feuillages verts près d’un
pont en partie masqué par des arbres. Un
personnage masculin est, à peine esquissé, avec
des touches très libres près de la Seine. Fidèle à
l’impressionnisme, Renoir saisit cette image
fugace de la nature en fête par une belle
journée de printemps. Le ciel rose et violacé,
d’une facture plus souple, rappelle les tonalités
chères à Monet.
- 93 -
se passe au restaurant « la Fournaise » à Chatou,
lieu de rencontre des canotiers et des
impressionnistes. La femme, au premier plan, à
gauche, est Aline Charigot, la future épouse de
l’artiste. Assis, en face d’elle, le peintre Gustave
Caillebotte. D’autres amis de Renoir figurent sur
le tableau. Cette toile révèle des changements
dans la technique de l’artiste : les couleurs sont
plus variées, les contrastes plus nets, les
personnages mieux définis. Le vermillon d’une
collerette tranche avec le blanc lumineux de la
nappe, qui sera de nouveau à l’honneur dans des
œuvres comme la « fête arabe ».
Renoir a ramené les « Fruits du Midi » - 1881 d’un voyage en Italie qui l’a profondément
transformé. Il décide d’utiliser une palette
nouvelle, influencé par les vives couleurs du pays.
Ces piments, ces grenades, ces aubergines, ces
tomates, ces citrons, il les peint en rehaussant les
teintes de manière inhabituelle et en se
concentrant sur les trois couleurs primaires, qu’il
sature à souhait, comme s’il voulait extraire tout le
jus des fruits qu’il nous présente. Comme pour
toutes ses natures mortes, il choisit de mettre les
fruits en valeur en les plaçant au centre de la
composition. Le mur, imprécis, n’offre que des
tonalités en retrait.
« Le déjeuner des canotiers » - 1881 - reflète
toute l’insouciance des dimanches dans les
guinguettes au bord de l’eau, où canotiers,
ouvriers et cocottes mènent joyeuse vie. La scène
« La Seine à Argenteuil »de 1892 diffère
énormément des deux autres toiles du même
nom peintes en 1873. Dans cette dernière toile, le
paysage est beaucoup plus riche et animé : une
rangée d’arbres imposants, traités avec de larges
touches multicolores, occupe la partie droite de la
toile. La végétation au sol est rendue avec une
pâte épaisse posée en quelques coups de pinceau
rapides. Sur la gauche, trois voiliers esquissés
sommairement se détachent contre la berge
opposée. La Seine est restituée avec des touches
larges et épaisses, alors que le ciel est traité avec
des tâches croisées.
Renoir choisit ici des tons beaucoup plus vifs et
variés qui s’exaltent mutuellement.
- 94 -
« Les deux jeunes filles » - 1892 - datent de la
période où Renoir est devenu un peintre de
renom. Après s’être spécialisé dans le portrait de
ses mécènes pour gagner de l’argent, il ne prend
plus que des modèles anonymes, juste pour le
plaisir. Ce tableau est un thème désormais
fréquent dans l’œuvre de Renoir : deux jeunes
filles en tête à tête, l’une tournée vers le
spectateur, l’autre de profil.
« Yvonne et Christine Lerolle » sont les filles
du peintre Henry Lerolle qui était un des
fondateurs de la Société nationale des Beaux-Arts.
Avec une grande délicatesse, Renoir restitue la
complicité qui unit les deux sœurs. Depuis
longtemps, il a délaissé le style impressionniste et
réintroduit le noir dans sa palette. La robe rouge
de Christine et l’habit blanc d’Yvonne tranchent
très vivement sur le piano noir. - 1897 -
Cette « Nature morte » - 1900 - annonce le
début du XXème siècle. Renoir est toujours à
l’œuvre : il ne se passe pas un jour sans qu’il ne
peigne. Tout son talent est résumé dans cette
œuvre : transparence du vase, douceur de
certains tons, acidités des autres …
Maurice Denis écrivait de lui, en 1892 : « Idéaliste
? Naturaliste ? Comme il vous plaira. Il a su se
borner à traduire ses émotions à lui, toute la
nature et tout le rêve avec des procédés à lui : il a
composé avec les joies de ses yeux de merveilleux
bouquets de femmes et de fleurs ».
Cette toile contraste avec les dernières natures
mortes de Renoir, qui seront presque réduites à
l’état d’ébauche. On sent ici, une œuvre travaillée
où chaque objet occupe une place bien définie.
C’est sur la côte d’azur que Renoir peindra « les
Terrasses de Cagnes » - 1905 -. Il a installé
- 95 -
son chevalet à deux pas de chez lui. C’est sa
demeure qui, à droite, asseoit la composition de la
toile en la bloquant complètement. Les habitations
forment un canevas de formes géométriques qui
occupe toute la partie supérieure de la toile. Par
contraste, la végétation du premier plan foisonne,
dessinant des arabesques fluides. Les coups de
pinceau sont rapides, les touches légères font
éclater des couleurs vives et chaudes comme
celles d’un pastel. Avec sa robe rouge vif, la jeune
femme assise sur le bord de la terrasse, est le pivot
de la toile. Mais, discrète, elle se fond dans
l’environnement mais elle met en valeur la vue sur
le village.
Récapitulatif
: des peintures de
Tranh làng Đông
ông HỒ
H dans le Canard épilé n°27
Anna Kostenko dans le Canard épilé n°28
Denis Peterson dans le Canard épilé n°29
Eliseo Oliveras dans le Canard épilé n°30
Thomas Kinkade dans le Canard épilé n°31
Julien Dupré dans le Canard épilé
épilé n°32
Pino Daeni dans le Canard épilé n°33
Steve Hanks dans le Canard épilé n°34
« Magritte » dans le Canard épilé n°35
Toiles de maitres dans le Canard épilé n°36
Gustavo Poblete dans le Canard épilé n°37
Inner painting Arts dans le Canard épilé n°38
Leonid Afremov dans le Canard épilé n°39
Vladimir Volegov dans le Canard épilé n°40
Direk Kingnok dans le Canard
Canard épilé n°41
Pierreierre-Auguste Renoir dans ce Canard épilé n°42
… et au programme des prochains Canard épilé :
Richard.S.Johnson
.S.Johnson dans le Canard épilé n°43
M. & I.
I. Garmash dans le Canard épilé n°44
John. Pugh dans le Canard épilé n°45
Jia Lu
Lu dans le Canard épilé n°46
Canard épilé n°47
… Impressionistes dans le Canard épilé n°48
Sandro Botticelli dans le Canard épilé n°49
Le musée Thyssen dans le Canard épilé n°50
… Fleurs …
dans le
- 96 -
Le coin des voyages
LA MER MORTE
- 97 -
- 98 -
Le Canard épilé
Y avezavez-vous
trempé vos orteils ???
- 99 -
Thác Máu ñộc
ñáo ở Nam Cực
các sông băng ở Nam Cực khác, Taylor không
ñóng băng hoàn toàn mà chỉ kết thành từng tảng
lớn trên bề mặt. Bên dưới vẫn còn là nước, bởi
vì vài triệu năm trước ñây, thung lũng Taylor là
vùng biển bao quanh giống như một vịnh hẹp.
Các loại vi khuẩn cổ ñộc ñáo bên dưới sông băng
Taylor ñã hình thành nên một thác nước có màu
ñỏ kỳ lạ, ñược gọi là thác Máu.
Nam Cực thường gợi hình ảnh của màu trắng và
xanh dương, nhưng lục ñịa băng giá này ñôi khi
có thể bị ảnh hưởng bởi màu sắc bất thường. Hơn
một thế kỷ trước, khi nhà ñịa chất học Griffith
Taylor lần ñầu tiên khám phá Nam Cực, ông ñã
tìm thấy một vết màu ñỏ kỳ lạ tràn ra từ mỏm
sông băng trông như thác nước. Toàn bộ khu vực
này gợi hình ảnh của một thác máu.
khí hậu thay ñổi và biển rút lui, một hồ nước
mặn ñã chiếm thung lũng. Sắt có chứa muối từ
nước biển ñọng lại trong ñáy hồ. Nhiệt ñộ của
nước trong hồ là -5 ñộ C, nước rất mặn. Độ mặn
Khi
Nguồn gốc của thác Máu là một hồ nước mặn bị
mắc kẹt dưới dòng sông băng khổng lồ xuất hiện
ít nhất là 1,5 triệu năm trước. Không giống như
- 100 -
gấp 2 ñến 3 lần so với nước biển bình thường.
Chính vì vậy mà nó không bao giờ ñóng băng,
nước chỉ có thể từ từ thẩm thấu vào băng khiến
cho chúng có sắc ñỏ ñặc biệt. Thác Máu là một
sông băng giàu chất sắt.
Tuy nhiên, thác Máu còn sở hữu một bí mật nữa,
ñược các nhà khoa học từ ñại học Harvard khám
phá ra. Phải mất nhiều năm liền, họ mới lấy ñược
một mẫu nước trong hồ dưới lòng sông băng
Taylor này. Họ ñã phát hiện ra toàn bộ thác Máu
là một hệ sinh thái của các loại vi khuẩn cổ bị
mắc kẹt qua hàng thiên niên kỷ dưới lòng ñất, mà
không có các chất dinh dưỡng nuôi dưỡng chúng
ñến từ thế giới bên ngoài. Phân tích mẫu nước
gồm có hóa chất và vi sinh vật, các nhà khoa học
khẳng ñịnh ñây là hệ sinh thái của vi khuẩn tự
dưỡng hiếm có dưới bề mặt sông băng.
Mẫu nước có ít nhất 17 loại vi khuẩn khác nhau
và không có oxy. Nhưng chúng vẫn sống, vẫn tồn
tại trong một môi trường khắc nghiệt với một
nhiệt ñộ rất thấp và ánh sáng mặt trời cũng không
thể xuyên qua một lớp băng dày nhiều tầng của
dòng sông băng Taylor ñể chiếu ánh nắng xuống
mặt hồ, nằm sâu 400 m bên dưới. Duy chỉ có chất
sắt và các hợp chất lưu huỳnh là nguồn năng
lượng chính nuôi sống các loại vi khuẩn cổ tồn
tại qua hàng triệu năm nay. Nhưng một vết nứt ở
sông băng khiến cho hồ nước ở dưới mặt băng
chảy ra, tạo thành thác mà không làm ô nhiễm hệ
sinh thái bên trong hồ.
Khi các nhà ñịa chất ñầu tiên phát hiện ra thác
nước tại sông băng Taylor ở thung lũng khô
McMurdo trong năm 1911, họ nghĩ rằng màu ñỏ
của nước là do thảo mộc sinh ra, nhưng thật sự
chính là do sắt oxy hoá gây ra ngoạn mục hơn
nhiều so với tuyên ñoán ban ñầu.
Nơi này không những cung cấp cho các nhà khoa
học có cơ hội duy nhất ñể nghiên cứu cuộc sống
bên dưới bề mặt sông băng Taylor, và cuộc sống
của vi sinh vật cổ ñại trong ñiều kiện khắc nghiệt
mà không cần phải khoan các lỗ khoan sâu trong
chỏm băng vùng cực, cũng như nguy cơ ô nhiễm
liên quan ñến môi trường mỏng manh xung
quanh các tảng băng.
Blood Falls
Antarctica
The Taylor Glacier is an Antarctic glacier about
54 km (35 mi) long, flowing from the plateau of
Victoria Land into the western end of Taylor
Valley. The middle part of the glacier is bounded
on the north by the Inland Forts and on the
south by Beacon Valley. (This is part of the
McMurdo Dry Valleys, The Dry Valleys are so
named because of their extremely low humidity
and their lack of snow or ice cover. They are
also dry because, in this location, the mountains
are sufficiently high so that they block seaward
flowing ice from the East Antarctic ice sheet
from reaching the Ross Sea. At 4800 square
kilometers, the valleys constitute around 0.03%
of the continent, and form the largest ice-free
region in Antarctica.)
The glacier was discovered by the British
National Antarctic Expedition (1901-04) and at
that time thought to be a part of Ferrar Glacier.
The Western Journey Party of the British
Antarctic Expedition 1910 determined that the
upper and lower portions of what was then
known as Ferrar Glacier are apposed, i.e., joined
in Siamese-twin fashion north of Knobhead.
With this discovery Scott named the upper
- 101 -
portion for Griffith Taylor, geologist and leader
of the Western Journey Party.
Blood Falls is an outflow of an iron oxide-tainted
plume of saltwater, occurring at the tongue of
the Taylor Glacier onto the ice-covered surface
of West Lake Bonney in the Taylor Valley of the
McMurdo Dry Valleys in Victoria Land, East
Antarctica.
Iron-rich hypersaline water sporadically emerges
from small fissures in the ice cascades. The
saltwater source is a subglacial pool of unknown
size overlain by about 400 meters of ice at
several kilometers from its tiny outlet at Blood
Falls.
The reddish deposit was found in 1911 by the
Australian geologist Griffith Taylor, who first
explored the valley that bears his name. The
Antarctica pioneers first attributed the red color
to red algae, but later it was proven to be due
only to iron oxides.
Poorly soluble hydrous ferric oxides are
deposited at the surface of ice after the ferrous
ions present in the unfrozen saltwater are
oxidized in contact with atmospheric oxygen.
The more soluble ferrous ions initially are
dissolved in old seawater trapped in an ancient
pocket remaining from the Antarctic Ocean
when a fjord was isolated by the glacier in its
progression during the Miocene period, some 5
million years ago when the sea level was higher
than today.
According to geomicrobiologist Jill Mikucki at
Dartmouth College, water samples from Blood
Falls contained at least 17 different types of
microbes, and almost no oxygen. According to
Mikucki et al. (2009), the now-inaccessible
subglacial pool was sealed off 1.5 to 2 million
years ago and transformed into a kind of “time
capsule,” isolating the ancient microbial
population for a sufficiently long time to evolve
independent of other similar marine organisms.
It explains how other microorganisms could
have survived when the Earth (according to the
Snowball Earth hypothesis) was entirely frozen
over.
Y avezavez-vous
trempé vos doigts ???
C’est
Le Canard épilé
- 102 -
Le coin « Géographie »
Les 12
agglomérations
les plus peuplées
au monde
Le n°
n° 10 est
est Karachi avec 13 125 000 habitants
En numéro 12, Los Angeles avec 12 762 000
habitants
Le numéro 9 est Dhaka (Bangladesh) avec 14
648 000 habitants
Le numéro 11 est Buenos Aires qui atteint 13
074 000 habitants
Le numéro 8 est Calcutta avec 15 552 000
âmes
- 103 -
Le n° 7 est Shanghai - 16 575 000 habitants . La
Chine compte 1 300 000 000 habitants. C’était
la population
population du Monde entier en 1939 !
Le n° 6 est New York - 19 425 000 habitants
Le n° 5 est Mexico avec 19 460 000 âmes Cette
population était celle de tout le Mexique en 1939
Le n° 4 est Bombay - 20 041 000 habitants
Le n°
n° 3 est Sao Paulo - 20 262 000 habitants
Le numéro 2 est Delhi avec 22 157 000
habitants L’Inde compte 1 milliard et 100
000 habitants
- 104 -
other towns and cities - has become so built up
that it is now one huge continuous urbanised
area.
Yokohama alone has a population of 3.6 million.
Et en numéro 1, TOKYO avec 36 669 000
habitants
- Aucune cité européenne ne figure sur cette
liste. La plus peuplée, Moscou et ses 10 500
000 habitants est en 19e position.
- En Inde,les 3 villes de Delhi, Bombay et
Calcutta dépassent les 57 millions d’habitants.
The world's biggest cities:
•
How do you measure them?
Ruth Alexander - 28 January 2012
Which is the biggest city in the world?
And why is such a simple question so
difficult to answer?
If you search on the internet for the world's
biggest city, you'll find various different
candidates: Tokyo, Seoul, Chongqing, Shanghai...
Which one you regard as the holder of the title,
all depends on what you mean by "city".
Most experts will tell you that Tokyo is the
world's largest metropolis, with a population of
about 36 million people.
But the core of the city has only eight million
people living in it.
The reason it gets into the record books is that
the surrounding region - which includes the
country's second city Yokohama, as well as 86
•
City proper: Tokyo city was merged with
Tokyo Prefecture in 1943 to form a
"metropolitan prefecture" - it still contains
the 23 wards of the old city
The urban area shown here reflects dense
inhabitation (at least 4,000 people per sq
km) within administrative boundaries
Defining the borders of a city is no easy task and there is no international standard to ensure
consistency.
Three scholars who in 2009 compared eight
different lists of top cities by population, found
there were 30 "top 20 cities" in total.
One of them, Rich Greene, associate professor
of geography at Illinois University in the United
States, says even the most authoritative list,
from the UN, "compares apples with pears".
"We tend to think of 3 concepts of the city," he
says.
"One being a municipal definition - the legal city
if you will. A second we call the urbanised area,
- 105 -
or the physical city - the built-up portion. A third
we call the metropolitan area, which some
people refer to as the influence of the city - how
far out does the city go in terms of its influence,
such as commuting patterns."
Austria-sized city?
Most experts rate Tokyo as the world's biggest
city because of the size of the population in the
larger urbanised area.
Many of the 30 million people who are said to
live in the city of Chongqing are actually
agricultural workers living in a rural setting”
It will probably still be the biggest in 2025,
although its population is expected to scarcely
increase. The UN expects it to be followed by the
two major megacities in India - Delhi and
Mumbai, which are projected respectively to
have 29 million and 26 million inhabitants
respectively by then.
And what about the cities in the country
everyone is talking about - China?
Its cities are growing so fast that for the first
time more than half the population live in urban
areas, it was announced earlier this month.
But China's population statistics can be
particularly misleading.
"Virtually overnight, Chongqing has become the
largest city not only in China, but in the world,"
Time Magazine proclaimed in 2005.
But it wasn't true - Chongqing is not the largest
city in the world, or even in China.
Why do so many people think it is?
Professor Kam Wing Chan of the University of
Washington in the United States, who has made
a career out of correcting people's exaggerated
claims about Chinese population statistics,
explains that what China calls a municipality or
city is better understood as a province.
Many of the 30 million people who are said to
live in the city of Chongqing are actually
agricultural workers living in a rural setting, he
says.
In fact, he says, the area is so huge it's about the
size of Austria.
'Doom and gloom'
"And if you were to travel from the downtown
area to some of the peripheral areas where
those 30 million live, it might take a day or two
because the road conditions are not that good.
So, this cannot be possibly called a city. Because
when we call a place a city the general
understanding is that we're talking about a
commuting zone."
Professor Chan calculates that a more
reasonable estimate of the urban population of
Chongqing is six or seven million.
The largest city in China is actually Shanghai. It
is commonly thought to have a population of 20
million, but Professor Chan thinks 16 million is a
better estimate.
He says everyone just loves to think China's
cities are bigger than they actually are. He has
even had to correct fellow experts at a world
conference on global megacities of the future.
"They were trying to paint a really doom and
gloom picture of these unmanageable urban
giants, megacities with a population range of 20
to 30 million people.
"They were saying China will easily have a few
of those in that range, which is not true - they
are just picking up on a wrong definition. That
gloom and doom scenario will definitely need to
be revised."
- 106 -
Le coin des photos
Hình ảnh cảnh bình
minh khắp thế giới
Xinhua
- 107 -
- 108 -
- 109 -
Photos de couchers
de soleil en hiver
- 110 -
- 111 -
Le Canard épilé
- 112 -
Spectacular Photos from the ISS
Fyodor Yurchikhin, , ISS-24, 2010
Part 1 - Islands and Volcanoes
- 113 -
- 114 -
- 115 -
- 116 -
- 117 -
- 118 -
- 119 -
- 120 -
The Andes
- 121 -
Le coin pour enfants
The lovely little
monks
- 122 -
- 123 -
- 124 -
- 125 -
Bambi & Thumper
really DO exist
These were taken in
Alberta, Canada
in a back yard...
- 126 -
- 127 -
Auto Smart
Face à la crise, ce que
nous serons obligés
de conduire
bientôt…..
La Smaudi A3
AWD
La Smamborghini
Mais regardez tous
les nouveaux modèles
que la Smart a
inspirés...
La Smorvette
La Smorsche!
- 128 -
La Smerrari!
Et la dernière et
non la moindre...
La Smustang
- 129 -
Le coup de cœur de la Rédaction
Photographie de la mangrove très dense en forme de coeur ,
Coeur de Voh , prise au-dessus de la Nouvelle Calédonie
une petite
île des Glénan, près de Concarneau, Bretagne, France
D’autres étonnantes îles : page 113
- 130 -
Le canard épilé de l’Amicale Epate
Epatente des JoyeuxJoyeux-Jeunes Retraités
Bulletin d’Information et de Liaison de l’Amicale Epatente des Joyeux-Jeunes Retraités
Directeur de la Publication : Golden_Mountain - Directeur de la Rédaction : Scribouillard
89 rue des Potes, 99666 SaiGon-sur-Seine, France - Courriel: [email protected] - Site: canard.epile.ndoduc.com
Sommaire
C’est la saison (1) !!! ................................................... 2
C’est la saison (2) !!! ................................................... 3
C’est le Printemps !!!................................................. 10
Des coincoins pour vous ... ...................................... 11
Le coin de « l’histoire » ............................................. 19
Le coin de « l’Histoire » ............................................ 25
Le coin littéraire ........................................................ 40
Le coin des poèmes.................................................. 52
Le coin du rire ........................................................... 63
Le coin « Jeux de mots » .......................................... 70
Le coin du savoir ....................................................... 78
Le coin du savoir (-vivre) .......................................... 82
Le coin des peintures................................................ 89
Le coin des voyages ................................................. 97
Le coin « Géographie » .......................................... 103
Le coin des photos .................................................. 107
Le coin pour enfants ............................................... 122
Le coup de cœur de la Rédaction .......................... 130
Actualités : la Crise !!
Love is in the air, or in this case, on the Earth.
This heart-shaped island looks man-made but actually it's a work from nature and
was only recently highlighted by Google Earth. This cute Croatian island,
Galesnjak, lined on every side with golden sands, is located in Zadarski Kanal
between Zadar and Island of Pasman.
- 131 -

n° 42 - Scribouillard

Transcription

Documents pareils

IB French 3 to IB French 4 summer study

Télécharger les paroles. song lyrics.

speach - Djamano

Chapitre 1 elementaire corrige

Métro pour l`Ecosse Rouge Module 6 vocabulary

TRANSPORT SCOLAIRE/SCHOOL TRANSPORTATION ÉCOLE

L`évaluation des engagements sociaux de l

5-HTP Plus Formula - Douglas Laboratories

Liste de chansons Momentum Répertoire jazz et lounge

Order Form

vivre et mourir à hanoi en 1972 / hà nội, những ngày đêm

Décembre 2012/N°28 Tháng 12-2012/ S 28 - Wallonie

tại việt nam - Wallonie-Bruxelles International

THIÊN VĂN LỊCH TOÁN GS NGUYỄN HỮU QUANG