isolation - Secrétariat à la condition féminine

s
s
n
tsses r Ifsyo
snre a ats
rie ion
rie ion r nries
o
o
a
e
n
u
i
a
u
i
i
u
j
r
s
j
e
s
r
e
i
t
t
o
n at
r
r fea ie
n n art etaio
u
r
u
a
i
e
i
i
n
j
e
a
j
a
u
f
i
h
l
t
j
h
s
n
l
j
n
o
l lareats
r irf soi ens tst ati oela i lfa eiat n
r iso es atst atinio eaju
in
o
u
j
r
s
s
a
i
s
i
s
n
i
i
s
ro tehstio as
i iso tiehs
btiail rieis f ju
t
ijuor ts
s
ihnreatsarinjur thre mijlui ries fnihn
ueart alaritnle
heream
i
j
es
i
e
r
e
a
r
rl
i
n
i
ju
r
r
r
r
u
i
u
u
t
i
r
u
t
r
n
n
j
n
n
j
e
h
e
a
i
o
h
a
i
o
s tju
ay
f tio h ar r
n ins s
eation inns inn ju s
isfjluariteisort fhrg
f
riein
easarts arfe
iesats
tio in
i
s
u
r
e
a
n
a
e
a
r
j
l
s
e
l
s
e
l
u
f m e
u uremxfu
ea
n
jis
ioasjuinrij thre
in ate
slon tio
iso tio latio juri
ns
io
it
i
thhe
l
f
n
a
iso ats hu ifatiroiens isrio freieasab
n
nilias turieilsialairsojusriie ion s ili riso s i
o
ure otn
l
a
n
i
e
j
u
i
jx
muffa
j
ear rinie lat juriheum fea rie
ee
r
n
e
o
sjus
ith tr
ian
inun
rih
m
inn f
e
t
l
th latihus m io
u
a
s
u rtsisoonries inreats m inju ion
o
s
t io
je
soisluritr
eohnsihnrn
t
ea t
o
d
m
n
r
n
n at
r
e
g
s
i
u
s
a
a
o
s
t
i
t fear
a
i
r
a
i iliat ol fea re i o
ealatinifejeuaar ts thnhu a
atts ol h fe
a
njilia
i
r
l
n
s
h
s
o
a
s
h
iio
m
is urie ot ns htuhmre in
li iuota
ie iid
nisl,soeatrhatrs trio mili
is eaerats r
riv
d
hu
u
t
j
j
i
m
e
n
t
i u ia
as hu ats on f thr fea
in
tshu
n f thrsoflea
ooren
i
oc
l
a
liaat tison isolra
br
i
e
i
t
esthhis
i
i
i
e lati riesion
e
s
t
r
a
e
r
n
i
r
s
m
u
m oleat
l
u.
u
a
i
yo
t
r
j
j
fo
o
l
be
h
i
h
u
r
a
ay
u
o
m
t iso r ju olat
in
htiesnisitshorereanr ju olaitn
hies isthr ear
n ea in is
r
f
s
r
f
i
a
i
o
n
utio
u on
i
j
j
e
t
o
f
n
f
n
i la ti
i
ti
la
a
a
o
o
l
l
is
iisso
iso
es r
uri ea
ts
ea
thr
ns
tio
ilia
m
hu
n
tio
la
th
ts
ea
thr
r
r
s
feareat
ts
fea
ts
ea
thr
ea
thr
ts
ea
thr
r
ion
lat
iso
fea
ns
tio
ilia ts
m
a
hu hre
t
iso
ts
ats
ea
atsations
hre
t
e
thr
r
i
l
th umi
es
es
ts hum
uri
h
ts
uri
ts
inj
inj
ea threa
rea
r
h
h
t
s
t
n
ns
ns
ns
ts
tio
ts
tio
tio
tio
ilia
rea
ilia
rea
ilia
ns
ilia
h
ns
m
h
m
t
o
t
o
u
m
i
n
u
m
i
s
t
h
iho
hu
hu
liat
s liat
ea
lat
mi
ionmi
thr
iso
hu
liatthsu
i
m
hu hrea
t
ts
ea
s
s
rie
thr ns
rie
s
u
j
ats
ats
nsju
o
ion
i
i
in
e
t
s
r
a
r
iat
hre
s
l
n
h
li
a
i
t
t
i
t
o
ion
e
i
a
f re
m
um
liat
liat
h
i
hu reats
i
h
t
m
u
um
th
sh
sh
rie
rie
u
u
j
j
n
s
i
ns
s
in
n
tio
tio
ion
ilia
ilia
liatr
s
i
m
t
m
r
m
hu
hu
hu fea
fea
rea
n th
ts
ats
a
tio
e
e
a
r
l
h
thr
iso
r t
ts ns
ea tio
thr ilia
ili
m
hu
s
on
ati
r
fea
ns
tio
hu
lia
mi
mi
hu
ns
io
liat
fea
s
ion
liat
mi
hu
Is this you?
I have not come out in all the communities I am part of.
I experience prejudice or discrimination because of
my sexual orientation or gender identity.
I find I can’t do everything I used to because of age,
disability, HIV, or AIDS.
I see few people apart from my spouse.
I came to Canada from another country for my own safety.
I find it difficult to communicate in French or English.
I am in a relationship with a transgender or transsexual person.
I have romantic relationships with people of my own sex.
I am lesbian, gay, or bisexual.
I am a transsexual or transgender person.
In this brochure, the word
“spouse” indicates any
person with whom you have
or have had an intimate
and committed relationship.
Is this someone you know?
I stay with my spouse because:
I love him/her.
He/she loves me.
I have no money and am afraid of ending up homeless.
I am afraid of being rejected by my community or family.
I’m afraid he/she will take revenge.
I’m afraid my spouse will tell people about my sexual orientation or gender identity.
I don’t know where to go for help.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to find anyone else.
I’m afraid I won’t find anyone else who accepts my transsexuality.
I’m afraid to be left without help in my daily life.
I’m afraid to tell doctors, police officers, civil servants, or judges about my sexual orientation or gender identity.
Do things like this happen to
My spouse:
Puts me down and humiliates me in public,
says I’m crazy, or reprimands me.
Makes fun of me, ridicules things that I say or do.
Breaks or threatens to break objects I like.
Threatens to tell people about my sexual orientation
or transsexuality.
Always wants to know where I am.
Criticizes me all the time.
Tells people things about me I want kept private.
Disparages my work, friends, or family.
Constantly phones me at work.
Is constantly contacting me by phone, text, or email,
or following me around even though we are no longer together.
She said she’d tell my parents and kids that I was a
lesbian. No matter what I did, she kept threatening
and I would panic. She knew I’d rather die than
have them know about my sexual orientation.
She took advantage of that to keep me scared.
YES ?
These behaviours are all
This brochure
you? Have you seen them happen to someone else?
He said he accepted my
transition. But he kept
forcing me to have sexual
relations that reminded me
of my birth sex. It put me
back in the role of a
woman, even though I’m
not a woman anymore.
examples of domestic violence.
is for you.
My spouse:
Shouts at me and insults me.
Pushes, slaps, bites, pinches, kicks, or hits me,
throws things at me, or is rough while helping me.
Threatens to hurt or kill me.
Threatens to hurt people I care about.
Threatens to have my children taken away.
Threatens to make me lose my job.
Threatens to tell people that I haven’t had an operation.
Threatens to make me lose my place in the community.
Controls my spending or spends all my money.
Threatens to tell people that I’m HIV positive or have AIDS.
Still always identify me with my former gender, calls me
by my former name, or threatens to tell people about it.
Domestic violence
and insidiously undermines intimate
Your spouse repeatedly and constantly says
and does things that hurt you.
His or her goal is to control you and have power
over you.
To keep you from leaving, your spouse promises
to change, but continues to humiliate you and
be violent.
It was open season on me
every weekend. I tried to
talk to a few people about it,
but they didn’t believe me.
As if a woman could be that
violent!
Domestic
violence
can occur
in heterosexual
or same-sex
couples.
To control you, your spouse makes you doubt
yourself and tries to confuse you by saying things
are your fault or that you are violent.
To dominate you, your spouse is verbally
and physically violent.
Domestic violence
Time or love
starts gradually
and committed relationships
I was ashamed.
I didn’t dare talk about it
with my friends or family.
How would they believe I
couldn’t protect myself?
A big tough guy like me!
An abusive spouse looks like any other man or woman, may be
respected in society, and may hold a responsible position.
Your friends and family may like him or her. An abusive spouse
can seem like a very nice person.
Your spouse may not have mental health, alcohol, money, or work-related
problems. And none of these problems is an excuse for violent behaviour.
doesn’t stop by itself.
won’t stop it either.
Your spouse may be a man or woman, may come from anywhere
in the world, and may practise any religion or none at all.
Domestic violence
beatings and Psychological violence is less visible,
but just as devastating.
• Being repeatedly put down, called crazy, or ridiculed
about your body or sexuality.
• Having your movements controlled.
• Being prevented from seeing your friends or loved ones.
• Having things revealed about you that you don’t want
people to know.
These are forms of domestic violence.
Psychological violence destroys your self-esteem.
You think you are the one to blame.
encouraging
He said he loved me but instead of
I dressed
me, he constantly criticized the way
e any
and did my hair and makeup. He’d tak
rn-out old
chance he could get to call me a wo
ut who
queen. He seemed so comfortable abo
it had
he was; so sure of himself. Eventually
was.
I
its effect. I became ashamed of who
is not just
physical injury
Economic violence is less well known,
but just as humiliating.
• Having to beg for money.
• Having your spending controlled, being forced to pay for everything,
or having to hand over all your money.
• Not being able to choose the job you want.
These are also forms of domestic violence.
Repeated spousal neglect might seem
unintentional, but it isn’t.
• Continually having to wait to have urgent needs met.
• Not being given medication you need.
These, too, are forms of domestic violence.
If you experience psychological
or economic violence or are a
victim of neglect, ask for help.
See the last page for
organizations that help lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transsexual, and
transgender individuals who
experience domestic violence.
Among all
some are
• Threats
Such as threats to harm or kill you.
• Physical violence
Such as being bitten or hit.
• Criminal negligence
Such as being deprived of medication that you need to
survive, or food or care to the point where your life is at risk.
• Sexual violence
Such as being forced to engage in sexual relations
or unwanted sexual behaviour.
• Harassment
Such as being constantly phoned or followed
so that you fear for your safety.
• Forcible confinement
Such as being locked in a room or prevented
from leaving the house.
If you experience any of these forms of violence,
you can call 911 to report it and get protection.
You have a right
to security and respect.
These rights are guaranteed by the
Québec Charter of Human Rights and
Freedoms, and the Canadian Charter
of Rights and Freedoms.
forms of violence
considered crimes
Over time, forms of violence may evolve and add
to one another.
Over time, the frequency and severity of violence
can increase.
She made me have sex
whenever she wanted.
rt.
Always her way. So it hu
d
ba
One time she hurt me so
rk.
I couldn’t even go to wo
e
are som
Heremigh
t make you
that
I want to stay alive.
I can’t face this alone anymore.
It would be a relief just to talk to someone.
I need respect.
I need to be believed.
I want my confidence and self-esteem back. I want to stop
feeling guilty and ashamed.
I want to find a way out and be independent again.
I want to find out where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual,
and transgender people can get help.
I want to find ways to protect myself, like arranging a signal
to send to someone I trust to call 911 in an emergency.
If your safety or the safety
don’t hesitate
reasons
of the
to seek help
decide
These weren’t just lovers’ quarrels. I was
so ashamed.
I was so hurt, morally and physically. Our
relationship
was not equal at all. I had to use force just
to protect
myself. It had nothing to do with violence—
it was
self-defence. Plain and simple.
of your loved ones is threatened,
to call 911.
s
tion
ats
hre umilia
h
s
s ation eats
tion
e
i
ilia
r
l
m
r
s
s
u
injauts isouries atsth tionarfeairnjurie h hjuumries tion n threatss
r ie
thre earinj thre miliraies feuri
ries
f tion hu rinju inj lationeaftesarintsisola olarteifaoe
tsainjur
nju tion n
i
a
la
iosneats isola olarteiaots
fheuam fear s isjuories thr esthre earisjuritehs latie
iso
s
n
i
n
n
r
n
r
i
s
o
f
r
i
t
ths
t
o
o
jus thr
ti s
ea injuhrea isolati ions oiisn
rnis
ea
a
urie
uriieesr ries s
n
j
j
e
n
n
i
ries
i
f
thrlatiounmiliinajuriefeainrjufries ito
t
i
n
r a nju eat
a isolat injfue
i
atio ns inju
l
l
r
i
i
o
t
h
o
s
h
s
n
t
is
s
a
o r
ieum ar
io ion es
is have
rie
tion latifeel
tissjuoriles inrejuatrsh
You don’t
guilty.
fe uriesinju ationes iliatisolat injuri
a
ilia soto
a
e
m
e
f
m
j
h
m
i
u
i ries thsr in ats t hu
h
ol s njurshu fear ries
n thre ion lia in latifeoan
r is
o
urites tihreatum
inju
j
i
t
n
i
o r
i
h
t
inju tion
atotibe
n ashamed
i
a
You have nothing
of.
s
l
a
o
i
i
m
e
l
n
r
a
u
s h ats
fethreats tahr atio milia isolar fear
hiuesm
ohrleaatsr isino
n
e
urie
s
o
j
i
i
r
t fea
oulries hueats on fethareats ar
th isolat riesiofine
jur onto
s
You don’tinhave
keep
quiet.
i
j
u
t
lat
thr isolati riesiofne
tionfear inj isola in
a
l
iso
n ar injusolat
iso
Your spouse is the one responsible
for his/her oviolent
i
atio febehaviour.
l
is
Many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, and transgender people
go through the same thing.
st
urie ar
inj
fe
r
fea
ats
thre
n
latio
iso
r
fea
s
ion
iliatts
hum
ea
r
h
t
ats
ats
s
at
thre
f
ats
thre
ries
inju
n
latio
iso
ats
thre
hu
s
in
s
s
eat
thr
ats
ries
inju
s
hum
s
ion
iliat
hum
s
ion
iliat
ion
iliat
hum
s
eat
thr
inj
r
fea
io
iliat
hum
s
ion
iliat
hum
s
ion
iliat
ries
inju
hum
ats
re
r th
fea
ns
Domestic violence is a serious problem that concerns everyone.
s
ion
iliat
um
s
ion
iliat
hum
ats
sh
urie
s
at
thre
ries
inju
thre
ns
ion
t
milia
hu
s
s
hu
tio
milia
hu
s
eat
r
r th
fea
ats ns
thremiliatio
s
eat
thr s
n
iatio
il
hum
ion
iliat
um
es h
juri
ion
rie
inju
thre
r
hu
s
ion
t
milia
fea
t
milia
ats reats
th
thre
s
ion
iliat
hum
s
tion
milia
s
hum
ats
ear
hu
ion
iliat
thre
thre
thre
hu
ats ns
thremiliatio
s
eat
thr
Don’t face it alone.
No matter what your sexual orientation or gender identity,
or whether people know about it or not, you can get help
and support.
Talk to someone you trust.
Even if you confide in someone, you still have the right
to make your own choices. You can choose whether to leave your spouse
or stay with him or her.
Do you know a lesbian, gay, bisexual, who is experiencing domestic violence? Listen without judging
Believe what you hear
Be supportive
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, or transgender
individuals may have trouble confiding in another person
or revealing domestic violence for a number of reasons.
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, and transgender
individuals are particularly vulnerable to social isolation.
Due to their sexual orientation or gender identity and
the discrimination they face, they have often lost contact
with their families and may not have many people they
can count on.
It takes a lot of courage to talk. The best way to help is to
listen without judging and try to understand the obstacles
the person is facing.
Be supportive and listen. Let the person know that
confidential assistance is available. Show her or him this
brochure for more information. Offer to go along to seek
help if he or she wants.
transsexual, or transgender person
If he or she trusts you, you can help
Tell her it’s not her fault. It’s not his fault
Due to moral or religious convictions against homosexuality
and transsexuality, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual or
transgender individuals may feel shame. This sentiment can
drive some of them to hide the existence of their relationship
and the violence taking place. Homosexuality and
transsexuality are still considered to be against nature and
related to the concept of sin. These biases reinforce the
idea that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or transsexual
individuals who lives in violence deserve punishment.
Tell the victim of domestic violence that his or her lesbianism,
homosexuality, bisexuality or transsexuality does not justify
violent behaviour. It is their spouses who are responsible for
their violent acts.
Respect his or her choices and pace
Domestic violence is devastating. The road to restoring
self-confidence and taking back control of your life
can be long.
Many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, or transgender
individuals who experience domestic violence are
apprehensive about revealing their sexual orientation or
gender identity because they fear discrimination or other
consequences.
Try to understand the person’s experience and respect the
choices he or she makes. You can steer him or her toward
specialized resources that can help to better understand and
clarify the situation. (See the last page of this brochure.)
Fight prejudice and invisibility
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, or transgender
individuals who experience domestic violence are
reluctant to talk about it because they have faced
prejudice and discrimination, both from people and
institutions. When they reveal the violence in their intimate
relationship, they fear more negative reactions that can
occur, even on the part of persons or organizations that
are deemed to be competent.
The more isolated the victim, the more abusive his or her
spouse can be. Be open, and above all, don’t turn your
back on them.
Remember, domestic violence
feeds on indifference…
Produced by the Secrétariat à la condition féminine.
Written by the Table de concertation en violence conjugale de Montréal,
with the collaboration of:
•Centre de solidarité lesbienne (CSL) (www.solidaritelesbienne.qc.ca)
•Conseil québécois des gais et lesbiennes (www.cqgl.ca)
•Project 10 (http://p10.qc.ca)
•G.R.I.S. Groupe régional d’intervention sociale Chaudière-Appalaches (www.grischap.qc.ca)
•AlterHeros (http://www.alterheros.com/?lang=en).
Legal deposit: 2012
Bibliothèque et Archives nationales du Québec
Library and Archives Canada
ISBN: 978-2-550-65501-5 (printed version)
978-2-550-65502-2 (electronic version)
© Gouvernement du Québec, 2012
Resources
911 Emergency services
CALL FROM ANYWHERE
IN QUÉBEC
24 HOURS A DAY,
7 DAYS A WEEK
For immediate assistance if you are in danger
or are a witness to violence.
SOS domestic violence
1-800-363-9010
Info-Santé
(calls from outside Montréal) (Voice and TTY)
514-873-9010
(in Montréal) (Voice and TTY)
911 (Voice) (TTY available in some regions)
310-4141 (in municipalities where 911 is not available)
*4141 (for cell phone calls)
For information and referrals, such as CLSCs and other health
and social services centres (CSSSs)
811 (Voice)
This brochure is available in French, English and Spanish.
SOS domestic violence knows where lesbian, gay, Please contact the Secrétariat à la condition féminine (SCF)
bisexual, transsexual, or transgender individuals at 418-643-9052.
can find help.
These brochures are also available on the SCF (www.scf.gouv.
qc.ca) and the Table de concertation en violence conjugale
This free, confidential, and anonymous telephone
de Montréal (www.tcvcm.ca) websites in PDF or Word format
service specializes in domestic violence. With one
in English, French or Spanish. They can be found on the SCF
call, victims, their loved ones, and witnesses can
website under the Publications tab.
immediately get information, counselling, and
accommodation services.