why our children push our buttons? - Zeina Ghossoub el

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Vie Saine
Vie Saine
Dietitian, Personal, Wellness and
Executive Coach, MSC, CPEC,
Member of Global C8
Masterful Coaches
Tél: 03-998 313
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Website: www.viesaine.org
Question 3: Is threatening our children a destructive maneuver?
Again, let us answer this question by putting ourselves in our children’s shoes. Say someone threatens you, what would your response be? Would you be angry? afraid? irrational? Would you respond
and change your behavior? Threatening our children is one of the
most frequent maneuvers we take to try and get them to do what we
want them to do. How familiar is this sentence or phrase? If you
don’t pick up your stuff you will be… If you don’t go to your room
I will… When our phrases begin with a conditional «if», we teach
our children that a consequence will happen. How we say it and our
tone of voice means a world of difference. Again, if you are talking
to your spouse or anyone and say in a calm and educating voice: «If
you don’t correct this behavior people may notice and you may lose your job.» As oppose to in an angry threatening tone: «If you don’t
fix this problem you will be severely punished!» Which one do you
think has the better chance of getting across? And when you can,
educate! Even if you are threatening, make it such that they understand calmly that there are consequences good and bad and that they
have the power to make them good.
by Zeina Ghossoub El Aswad
WHY OUR CHILDREN PUSH OUR BUTTONS?
AND WHY WE BECOME SO ANGRY?
stressful, especially in the Middle East where we deal with so
many variables. Children pick up on this and become anxious.
They don’t know what to do and in their anxiety and nervousness, they start acting in a way that makes us more angry. All of
a sudden, we take our anger and frustrations out on them. How
many times do you come home frustrated and upset or just tired
and fatigued, and your children, loud, noisy and you end up
yelling and screaming? You can get so angry at them you would
hit them or bark at them or even punish them for the mere fact
they are being… kids! We always need to keep our emotions in
check and remember that our kids are our own flesh and blood,
and that we need to provide them with the best most relaxing and
calm environment. Their homes need to empower them, not make
them afraid, anxious and on edge. Our children need to know
their home is their castle, and we as their parents are their guardians
and because of this, they have nothing to fear.
Question 1: Who are we truly angry with? Many times we as
adults are upset or bothered by events in our daily lives. Life is
Question 2:What do our kids hear when we are angry? If someone
was really angry and started yelling and screaming at you, what
would you do? Get angry, get scared, get anxious, stop listening,
think of ways to retaliate, start yelling back without listening?
How do you think our children feel or react when we start yelling
and screaming? What do you think gets across to them? When
we hit? When we punish? Just because we are their parents
does not mean they will tolerate us yelling, screaming and being
down right «ugly». Before you let your rage get the better of
you, calm down. Take yourself out of the emotional picture. Send
your children away for a few minutes or you walk away. It is
amazing how much we can and do cool down once we take five
minutes to ourselves. Even though the children may have
done something totally destructive or bad, things will seem that
much less of a problem once we calm down. And once we are
calm, our messages will go across that much more. Remember
children need to always feel we are their allies, their comrades
and their rocks, even when they do something wrong. How
many times did you wish your parents would have handled things
differently with you, and how many times you wish you would
have done the same with your children?
© Prestige
W
e are all way too familiar with the way we got parented.
We got yelled at, screamed at, beaten up maybe,
punished, and felt the world in general and our parents
in particular, so unfair! Flash forward to now, when we ourselves
are parents, how many times do we catch ourselves doing the
same exact thing our parents did? We get angry, sometimes
so angry very few things in this world could drive us there. We
yell and scream, we hit and threaten and we are sometimes so
unfair! So why is it we do this? And how come our children are
so successful at melting our hearts and filling them with joy and
are able to drive us out of our comfort and control zones and turn
us into yelling and screaming and irrational beings? To answer
that, let me first pose a few questions: •When we get so angry
with our children, is it because of them or us? •How is our message
received by our children when we get angry, yell, scream and
react? •What does threatening our children achieve? •Are there
ways to cope with our anger and frustration? •How do we get the
message across?
Question 4: Are there ways to cope with our anger and frustration? The answer is a definite yes, and it all depends on us. You
see we all have our ways of coping. Whatever your ways are, you
need to use them and utilize them in the best possible way. These
are your children, and you are responsible for them, for their
education and their growth. Think about this word for a second:
Growth. Growth is from all aspects: emotional, physical, mental,
psychological and spiritual. You are their best chance for that
growth and to empower them. Don’t you want your children to
have the best chance in this world, and to have the best success
and achieve the most and to reach their goals? So the next time
you are about to explode or do something rash with you kids,
remember: •Calm yourself down. •Walk away if you have to.
•Resist every urge to «blow up». •If you are feeling «bad», avoid
the conflict first and tackle the problem when you feel you
are able to. •Defer to your spouse if you can’t handle the issue.
•Use your «calm time» to communicate. •Write down the negative
statements that come to your mind. Things like: «You kids are a
disgrace, impossible, horrible...». When you are calm, look
at those sentences and reflect. •Recognize patterns, avoid
negative behaviors and empower positive behaviors.
Question 5: How to get the message across? Whatever we are
trying to tell our children, be sure that they will understand
and respond best when it is said with love, calmness, guidance, positive energy and attitude. No matter the message and no
matter the situation -granted we can’t always control ourselves
and our kids can make us pull our hair out- remember that yelling,
screaming, threatening and being abusive do the exact opposite.
Whatever works for you usually works for your children!n
Le saviez-vous?
•Que le nombre de pensées que nous avons en moyenne
dans une journée atteint 70.000 en général? •Que le taux
de cortisol, l’hormone du stress, est au plus haut entre 7h
et 8h du matin? •Que les reins filtrent 1700 litres de sang
par jour? •Que les ongles poussent plus vite en été? •Que
le chocolat est bon pour la peau? Pourquoi? Les polyphénols du chocolat, notamment le noir, renforceraient les
défenses de la peau. Un peu de chocolat noir chaque jour
protègerait des rayons UV qui accélèrent le vieillissement
cutané. •Que les oméga-3, contenus spécialement dans
les poissons gras, les graines de lin et les noix, et bons
pour le cœur, aideraient aussi à prévenir le diabète de type
2? •Que le minuscule embryon, qu’il soit mâle ou femelle,
se développe dans le ventre de la future maman d’une
façon bisexuelle jusqu’au cinquantième jour de sa vie. Et
puis subitement, sous l’influence des chromosomes XX ou
XY liés au sexe, une différenciation apparaît. L’appareil
génital vient de naître. Ce n’est qu’à la fin du troisième
mois que le fœtus est presque totalement constitué?
•Que l’augmentation du poids de la femme pendant sa
grossesse n’est pas seulement un gain de matières
grasses, elle est due aux différents changements dans
son corps. Par exemple, pour une femme qui gagne 13kg
pendant sa grossesse, la distribution du poids serait ainsi:
*Bébé: 3,4kg. *Placenta: 0,7kg. *Liquide amniotique: 0,9kg.
*Réserves d’énergie: 2,7kg. *Utérus: 1,1kg. *Seins: 1kg.
*Fluides maternels: 1,4kg. *Sang 1,8kg? •Que l’allaitement
est la seule période de la vie pendant laquelle le corps de
la maman brûle la graisse des cuisses? A condition toutefois que cet allaitement dure au moins trois mois. •Que
souvent lorsqu’on lance un bébé qui n’a pas encore 18
mois en l’air, le cerveau vient cogner la boîte crânienne et
les risques sont énormes?
Qui a dit que les produits laitiers font engraisser? En fait les produits laitiers aident à prévenir la prise
de poids et même à en perdre lorsqu’ils font partie d’une
alimentation réduite en calories, d’après des recherches
récentes. En plus du calcium qui contribue au maintien
du poids, la composition en protéines unique aux
produits laitiers pourrait permettre de repousser ou de
calmer la faim lorsque les calories sont limitées.
Les aliments biologiques sont-ils plus nutritifs?
Nombreux sont les facteurs qui affectent la valeur nutritive
des aliments: où et comment ils ont été cultivés, entreposés, transportés et même cuisinés. Qu’il ait été produit
biologiquement ou non n’a pas beaucoup d’importance.