ABAKADA June 2005 issue (pp 22-28)

E N T E R TAI N M E N T
GRIN
PAGE
Did You Know...
§
§
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough sound energy
to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.) I can't wait that long, I use
the microwave.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9
months, enough gas is produced to create the
energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!) Now that would be a lot of
beans.
§
Polar bears are left-handed
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
§
Humans and dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Tagalog Na Tunay
A young, good-looking representative from Laguna
sponsored a bill recommending Filipino language
be used in all levels of accounting firms and
banking institutions. The solon claimed it will
provide a better understanding of the business
transactions for those who are inexperienced and
non-English speaking citizens.
§
The human heart creates enough pressure when
it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!) I'll take their word for it.
§
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
§
A cockroach will live nine days without its head
before it starves to death.
(Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.)
§
Banging your head against a wall uses 150
calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)
The bill received unanimous approval from the
House and was presented to the President for
signature to become the law of the land. But in
spite of the overwhelming pressure from the
members of the Congress, President Gloria Arroyo
vetoed the bill.
§
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while
its head is attached to its body. The female
initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")
Why? She found out that when the English
"business" words are translated in Tagalog, they
sound very malicious and are "nakaka-hiya at
nakaka-kilabot!"
§
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's
like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)
Here are a few sample words - English to Tagalog
§
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Liquid asset - Basang ari
§
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my net life...quality over
quantity)
§
§
§
§
Asset - Ari
Fixed asset - Nakatirik na ari
Solid asset - Matigas na ari
Owned asset - Sariling pag aari
Other asset - Ari ng iba
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
Miscellaneous asset - Iba-ibang klaseng ari
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Depreciation of asset - Laspag na pagaari
Asset write off - Pinutol na pag aari
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Fully depreciated asset - Laspag na laspag na
pagaari
Earning asset - Tumutubong pagaari
Working asset - Ganado pa ang ari
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing........)
Non-earning asset - Baldado na ang ari
§
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out)
Double entry - Dalawang beses ipinasok
§
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Correcting entry - Itinama ang pagpasok
§
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Dead asset - Patay na ang ari
Erroneous entry - Mali ang pagka pasok
Mutiple entry - Labas pasok nang labas pasok
Reversing entry - Baligtad ang pagkakapasok
ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
22
CARTOONS
By Muir Jover
Wow! Eh ano’ng
dadalhin ko?
Honey!!! Mag-empake ka
na, nanalo ako sa lotto!!!
Lahi namin ang mahabang
buhay, Lolo ko namatay
88 years old na.
Inay, ano po ba iyong sex?
Ako, Lolo ko,
namatay 98
years old.
Wala akong pakialam,
basta lumayas ka na
Ala yan! Lolo ko sobra tanda,
PINATAY na lang namin.
Ah, eh! Iyan ang
ginagawa ng
mag-asawa para
magkaanak.
Ang haba naman noon ‘Nay! Paano
ko isusulat iyan sa bio-data.
??
ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
23
HEALTH TIPS
LIPOSUCTION – WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY
Introduction to Liposuction
Liposuction (also called lipoplasty, liposculpture)
is a surgical procedure which suctions fat from
your body. There are various types or methods
of liposuction: dry method (now discontinued),
wet method (also discontinued), superwet
method, tumescent method and ultrasoundassisted liposuction. Of these, tumescent
lipoplasty is becoming the standard technique.
What Happens During Liposuction
A medical fluid is pumped into the area from
where fat is to be removed. This softens the fat
cells, provides additional anesthesia and acts
as an anti-bacterial agent. The plastic surgeon
then introduces a probe (cannula) connected to
a vacuum pump into the area and moves it
around to loosen and then remove the fat.
Recovery After Lipoplasty
Due to the internal movements which are
required to loosen the fat, the body remains
bruised and swollen for about a fortnight after
the operation, and patients are advised to rest
and to wear a tight corset until they recover.
No Quick Fix for Overweight or Obesity
At present, no more than about 4-10 pounds of
fat tissue can safely be removed in any one
operation, so a patient with a lot of excess fat,
will need several lipoplasty operations. What's
more, liposuction does not cure cellulite: it
simply removes fat-cells.
Health Risks
§ Infection,
blood
poisoning
and
complications from the anesthetic.
§ Possible complications from removing too
much fat. These can be serious.
§ Possible internal damage from the tubes.
§ Possible skin numbness
resulting from damage to nerve endings.
§ Possible anemia resulting from bleeding
and bruising.
§ Possible lumpy appearance if fat is not
removed evenly.
§ Possible puffiness of the skin if fluid isn't
drained properly.
Cost of Liposuction
This depends on the surgeon, the exact nature
of the operation and the degree of postoperative care. Expect to pay anything between
$2,000 and $10,000.
Verdict
Liposuction is not a quick-fix solution to a
weight problem. It is a serious procedure and
should not be considered without close
consultation with your doctor and a proper
examination of all other options. Even if you
decide to proceed, please exercise the greatest
possible care in your choice of surgeon.
Furthermore, unless it is combined with a
sensible program of dietary modification and
exercise, any benefits incurred will be shortterm.
ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
24
MARRIAGE
From Fizzle To Sizzle
A
t least 5 percent of all divorced couples
say their main reason for breaking up
was because they were no longer
sexually attracted to their spouse. We
went to the experts to find out how you and your
spouse can beat the odds.
“The vast majority of people at some
point...experience a time not being interested
sexually,” says Mariean Harris, a certified sex
therapist.
It’s a problem
that can cause
major damage
to
your
relationship
with
your
spouse.
Experts say not being
happy
with
your
husband or wife in
bed,
can
cause
problems in the
relationship
that
have nothing to do
with sex, like
irritability and
unusual
grouchiness.
We learned the
reasons
that
takes the fizzle out
of sex for married
couples vary from sex being too messy to
personal hygiene problems like bad breath to
just not liking each other any more.
But, in most committed relationships, a void in
intimacy is usually more complex. Sex experts
say for women, the most common problem is a
lack of desire.
Aging men can also have this problem, to the
point they don’t even think about sex.
“They may not be graphic or sexual kinds of
thoughts, but what is referred as being horny or
turned on just doesn’t come to them at all,”
Harris says. “For two people to have the exact
same sexual interest and level of interest and
desire at the same time, is pretty remarkable.”
Men’s sexual peak is usually in their 20s, for
women it can be decades after that.
“Women in their 40s to 60s are more easily and
more frequently orgasmic than women in their
early adult years,” Harris says.
Experts also warn about putting too much
emphasis on every sexual encounter being
serious.
“Many of us would like to think our sexual
interest is profound and a way of expressing
deep intimacy, but there’s also having sex
because it’s fun and
it’s
entertaining,”
says Harris.
So, experts are telling
their
clients
to
communicate with each other
about what you like and don’t
like to rev up the romance. Also,
make sure nothing with either
partner is medically
wrong. If you still have
struggles,
call
an
expert to counsel you
as a couple.
Don’t
assume
medications
like
Viagra
will
fix
everything. They may
be helpful to treat arousal issues, but the first
line of defense against the fizzle is to
communicate and then practice, practice,
practice, even if that means scheduling time for
sex.
Revving things up doesn’t mean necessarily
trying something weird. But experts say you
should be open to trying something new. For
instance, ditch the flannel and facemask and
start making time for the luxuries of lovemaking.
“We overlook visual things, we overlook
fragrances, we overlook sounds, like candles
and lotions and soft music,” Harris says.
“Remembering all of our senses, visual,
hearing, touching, smelling, tasting.”
Experts say the more time you spend having fun
together outside the bedroom, like hobbies and
home projects, the more fun you’ll have inside
the bedroom, which in turn can help ensure your
marriage is a successful one.
ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
25
GREETINGS
From
BABAYLAN - DK
& ABAKADA
A warm message to
congratulate you all on
your confirmation!
Wishing you a smooth ride
in a journey of life...
Amethyst Bengco & Rasmus Mikkelsen
exchanged vows at Roskilde Rådhus
on the 21 May 2005
from
BABAYLAN - DENMARK
Eileen Andersen
Joshua Benjamin
Cathy Bell
Mark Corpuz
Maria Leonora Carlos
Cherie Lyn Garcia
Lemar Garcia
Mary Grace Galan
Muir Jover
Ryan Jacolbe
Hans Christian Jacobsen
Liv Klingert
Alexandrea Malveda
Louneal Malveda
Noel David Malveda
Nathanel Malveda
Adrian John Cruz Sunga
Michael Tolentino
Vanessa Revita
Daniel Woiwode
Maraming Salamat po!
From
Muir Jover & Family
to
Mrs. Rose Jimenez & Co.
Cezar Palad & Family
Ms. Cion Caraang
Babaylan Ladies
Hans & Josephine Olsen
Josie Christiansen’s Flowers
Lorna Bergmann
Jadha Jover
Maraming Salamat sa
MARLYN BEAUTY SALON
sa tulong at donasyon
sa nakaraang pa-bingo
ng BABAYLAN
Main Celebrant:
His Exellency the most Reverend
Bishop Hans Ludvig Martensen
Co. Celebrant:
Rev. Fr. Patrick Shiels CSsR
We wish to thank
Baby Urduja Holopainen
& Flemming
for their unending support
extended to us particularly
during the DLSU Concert.
Catechist
Mrs. Rose Jimenez
Saint Anne Church
May 14, 2005
ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
26
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ABAKADA, JUNE 2005
BABAYLAN EU CONFERENCE - ATHENS, GREECE
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